SWGF50

Recently a few “friends” have been dealing me rations of shi*! about being the lone voice of mid-life gay (t)reason on Fifty is the new… It’s true I’ve been flying solo for a very long time having previously spent 10 years with my then closeted partner. My gay credentials are in danger of revocation. My response to the loving jabs has been to acknowledge that though it’s true I’ve been living a monkish existence, I am still gay in my parallel universe/fantasy.

My friend Connie decided enough was enough, so she pulled up a dating site for midlife lesbians and went down the list asking me to respond to my preferences. Out of about 25 questions, I only specified an answer to two: I specified someone “fit” and “smart.” I didn’t care about height, age, eyes, occupation, size, shape…none of that. I said only, “fit” and “smart”. So Connie hit “Search” and it came back…

“We’re sorry there were no matches.”

With a tinge of cynicism I told Connie, if I took out “smart,” the results would’ve been different.
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Basically I think I’m just another Jane Austen character.

Quick review:
In Emma, our protagonist tries to make a match with Harriet Smith and Mr. Elton the vicar, but Harriet is in love with Robert Farmer and the vicar has his eye on Emma, but Emma is attracted to Mr. Churchill who is secretly engaged to Jane Fairfax…

In Pride and Prejudice, Charles Bingley and his friend Mr. Darcy visit Mrs. Bennett and her daughters who are excited about Mr. Bingley but not so Mr. Darcy. Mr. Bingley has eyes for Jane and Mr. Darcy refuses to dance with Elizabeth while Mr. Bingley’s sisters oppose a union between their brother and Jane. Mr. Collins wants Elizabeth but she refuses him, so he turns to her friend Charlotte…

And so it goes, like chess pieces changing places. I have someone in my life with whom I share an emotional connection and great tenderness and at one time big passion but too many other incompatibilities. I’ve been attracted to a straight woman and another who says she’s straight but sure hasn’t acted that way. (See future blog: Guide for Straight Women who Flirt with Gay Women.) Then there was the just-dumped valium-addicted hairdresser who turned her attentions to me and then disappeared the minute she thought some connection had been made between me and my straight crush. And Young Heather, a very intent suitor, but somehow I felt her recently divorced mother (just two years older than I), might’ve been a better match. And now, a former lover has recently reappeared in my life. It seems the torch I always carried for her was never really extinguished and yet—minor detail—she is happily with the woman she left me for.

Jane Austen’s got nothing on me! However, I’m comfortable knowing that in Ms. Austen’s universe everyone ultimately finds their love and the endings are always happy.