Being Bea Arthur
July 22, 2008, by Connie Stetson
I complained to my friend Cathy, not so very long ago, that menopause was making my voice sound like Bea Arthur (if you’re around my age you’ll remember Maude); and she said soothingly, “Ohh, sweetie, you don’t sound like Bea Arthur, you sound like Harvey Fierstein.” It’s the same thing. I had hoped that as I aged I’d purr like Lauren Bacall, but no… I rasp like a drag queen. Like Bea Arthur.
Now I do have to admit that I never emitted tones anyone ever called dulcet. More Ethel Merman than Ethel Barrymore, more gym teacher than yoga instructor. At one point, for my husband’s sake, I told myself I’d temper my voice and speak softly and sweetly like a proper lady. I worked really hard at it. I got stress headaches, I broke out, and I’d go in and out of my resolve like when your woofer and tweeter are on the fritz. And what did I learn from this experiment, you ask??? I am yam what I yam and It is what It is. Oh, that again.
Menopause has certainly made that message more than plain. I’m finding that it’s offering me the opportunity to really stretch into who I yam: the good, the inconsistent, and the loud and raspy. I’m content with my content and with my faulty volume control. When I laugh, I laugh LOUD. People look, I look right back and smile. Oh well, whaddaya gonna do?
So I thank Bea Arthur as Maude, for being the first woman on television to show us menopause. Do you remember when she held the comb under her nose so it looked like a mustache and said she thought she looked like Hitler? Or when a pretty young girl walked by, she quipped, “I’d forgotten just how firm thighs could be,” or any of those snarky, terse one-liners delivered in that cheap whiskey and cigarettes snarl of hers? I’m by God proud, yes proud, to be in my Bea Arthur years.
I will say that upside of being the loudest woman in Mariposa County is even the hard of hearing never say, “What did she say?” I rarely need a microphone, when I say STOP, people do, and I’m huge at the County Fair Hog Calling Contest. Can you say, “SU-WEEEEE??? Not louder than me, I’ll bet.
Blogging off,
Connie
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
What’s worse: a low-pitched, gravely-voiced mature woman, or a woman who elicits high-pitched itty bitty baby sounds, like a little girl? I’d take the drag queen version any day. You go Connie! Be loud, bold and even brash, if you want to. Menopause? Ha! Maude did set some good examples.
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
This was the funniest, most thought-provoking piece I’ve read in ages. We baby boomers were the transitional generation between Donna Reed and Madonna; many of us took a lifetime to grow our own voices. Now that we’ve found them, I hope we never shut up! We’ve got a lot of collective wisdom under those gray hairs, even if they’re artificially “not so gray.”
July 23rd, 2008 at 7:14 am
Since I’m in the middle of menopause (for what feels like a decade), I’m going to run out and buy the box set of “Maude.” Thanks for the reference point. Bea Arthur for President!
July 26th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Connie Dahling, your voice-over work opportunities are endless!
July 30th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Really Christie? get me a gig.
October 27th, 2008 at 7:52 am
I absolutely adore Maude! And Bea Arthur’s voice, which may be at times harsher than Ms. Bacall’s, but certainly conveys more feeling than LB can hope to…I don’t care how beautiful she was. (if it matters, I’m 35.) I love similar voices…and I realize this wasn’t the sole point of your lovely article. If you ever wish to read a book or two on tape, get in touch!
(I’m entirely serious. I’m visually impaired, so rely on audio books, but it can be torture to listen to an unpleasant, squeaky narrator!)