Everything on a Stick
September 2, 2008, by Christie Healey
September in Minnesota usually means we have had our one last howl at summer—the Minnesota State Fair—and we are becoming a little morose at the promise of winter. This year though, we have the Republican National Convention to prolong our collective noisemaking, some howling and some cheering. I will be among the howlers.
For the uninitiated I should explain that the Minnesota State Fair is essentially an edible experience that hopefully does not lead to gastronomic bypass surgery. Eating at the fair is the most physically daring feat we can do: our version of polar bear hugging. Fair food is deep-fried, battered and deep-fried, or battered and deep-fried, then fixed on a stick. To whit: pork chop on a stick, spaghetti and meatball dinner on a stick, deep-fried pickle on a stick, pickle juice pops! This year’s new stick food is a quarter pound of deep-fried bacon glazed with maple syrup for dipping into a variety of even more gluey substances including chocolate. How I long for Gordon Ramsey to visit our fair.
Speaking of things that can at times make one queasy, the Republican National Convention is camped out in downtown St. Paul. The preparation for this visitation has been long and arduous, none more so than those on the part of the St. Paul city government. “Protest Zones” (barricades and all) have been arbitrarily moved, sometimes overnight, further and further away from the convention site. This meant that protest groups had to re-apply for permits on the fly. There was long debate over extending licensing hours to accommodate the conventioneers drinking habits (must have missed that one on the “family values” manifesto). Agreement was finally reached and an extended license could be purchased for $2,500. Only two strip clubs applied (they obviously know their audience). I understand the fee has been reduced to $250. Now there’s an enormous hiccup. Well, more like Mother Nature giving a big belch.
Hurricane Gustav has forced Bush and Cheney to cancel their appearances. The convention activities have been scaled back and many Gulf state conventioneers have flown home. In a convention briefing Senator McCain pontificated, “I want to thank my fellow Republicans as we take off our Republican hats and put on our American hats.” Did I miss something else? Is there a country called “Republica?” Is it in a parallel universe or a distant galaxy far, far away?
The awful irony of the Republicans’ manic response to the possibility of another disaster in the Gulf states is that it highlights their lack of concern over the last one; not only when it happened but during New Orleans’ three-year battle to recover.
Trying to make up too late for not doing the right thing at the time is like eating bacon and maple syrup on a stick—both leave a sticky mess on your hands and everyone can see it.
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:50 am
John McCain’s brain is in a distant galaxy far, far away. John McCain’s brain is a sticky mess that everyone can see–Well, I could just go on and on, but I’d rather go to the fair. At least it’s all in good fun and it’s over in a few weeks, and who doesn’t love meat-on-a-stick?
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:26 am
Having a general distaste for political discussions I think I’ll focus my comment on state fairs, which I probably know more about after attending the Evergreen State Fair in Monroe, Washington TWICE this past weekend. Here on the West coast we tend to put our sweets on a stick. At our fair you can get a few delicious strawberries dipped in chocolate on a stick…..at the low price of $5.00. And then there’s tunnel cakes, a mound of fried dough topped with strawberries and whipped cream and/or elephant ears, a deep fried flakey pastry the size of a Thanksgiving platter. And after indulging, if you have a 10 year old like I do, you’ll find those desserts in the mixmaster of your stomach as your body is thrown upside-down again and again on the rides you swore you’d never step foot on. Ah, what we do for love!
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I love the juxtaposition between the all-American state fair and the anti-American Republican convention. At least at the fair you have freedom of choice: sticky or sweet, meat or fruit on-a-stick and you can choose to just say no. Freedom of speech has become buried by the media and the right wing who are making it more and more difficult for those opposed to have our voices heard.
September 2nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Hey you guys, have you seen this yet?
Amy Goodman of DN @ RNC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYjyvkR0bGQ
Police State? What police state!
Tube
September 4th, 2008 at 11:43 am
I don’t think that McCain wanted Bush within spittin’ distance of St. Paul. Despite their show of mutual affection, how can McCain forgive Bush for greenlighting the “illegitimate black baby” ruse that lost McCain the Republican ticket in 2000? Plus, Bush and Cheney are “boxoffice poison” right now (and, I hope, forever). If Gustav weren’t for real, the RNC would have had to hire Anne Coulter, Mike Medved, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity to blow some hot air and manufacture a weather front so Bush and Cheney could get excused from duty. No one wants them around anymore…they’re untouchable outcasts as they should be. Like O.J.’s fabled dream team, may they spend the rest of their days regretting they ever stepped into the public spotlight.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Check out this YouTube video that calls itself a “complete catalogue of all of the 59 foods on-a-stick at the Minnesota State Fair.” The 59 options include alligator, mac and cheese, deep-fried Snickers and pancake with sausage – all on-a-frickin-stick! Wow the Midwest is somethin’.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-5Lr2IhB_o