On Ripening
September 23, 2008, by Connie Stetson
“It is sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” —Brigitte Bardot
Being a woman in full flower, of a certain age, and ripe, ripe, ripe, I often find myself comparing how I was to how I am. CBF (Connie Before Fifty) was just a glimmer of who I am becoming. Confidence, discipline, integrity, fearlessness would come and go like the Aurora Borealis—shining, colorful and dazzling; dancing and playing for all it’s worth.
Then the self-talk would take over. I’d tell myself all sorts of half-truths. That I wasn’t worthy, couldn’t fulfill my promises, can’t do that, too tired, they’ll find out I’m a fraud, they don’t need me, I can’t cut it, or worst of all, they don’t like me. I’d go about proving why all those things were true, hate myself for a few months, then gear up my energy for another go round, and again, fly and sing and be in my true self. It was exhausting.
CAF (Connie At Fifty) is embracing it all. The self-doubt, the anger, pain, failures, disappointments, fear, lies, and shame; it’s all mine. But so are the rapture, the passion, the joy, the commitment, the laughs, the relationships, the making a difference, the right to be here, and the wisdom. They too, are all mine. I see now, in my fifties, that one’s life is a process of self-creation, ongoing and evolving, always. Duhhhh….
And, by the way, it’s not like I’ve never read that, heard that, or been told that before in a hundred different ways; it’s that I feel it now, in my skin, in my head, in my heart, in my DNA. I am willing and so ready to stand at the front of the line, and I’m holding a place for You.
I guess, on ripening, I would say that as one ripens, you may lose a little juice; but the flavor, man o’ man, the flavor!
Blogging off,
Connie
Artwork courtesy of Julie Higgins
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:38 am
Oh thank goodness that the self-doubt negative script is getting dimmer as I age too. Now I just don’t give a damn about the small stuff. Experience… it’s a good thing.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:53 am
Maybe it is time for a woman to write a companion piece –from the female perspective — to Frankl’s seminal book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Everyday, in every way, women over 50 are devalued, dismissed and disrespected. How often do we see our faces stare back at us from magazine covers, commercials (unless the advertisement is for laxatives), TV shows or films? No, we scarcely exist at all. We live at our book clubs, Curves, docent groups — all safe havens from a society that is ready to tag us hags, crones and feminazis if we speak up. I just heard one of AM Talkradio’s big blowhards dismiss Nancy Pelosi by telling her (not to her face, of course, the coward!) “Go get another face-lift, lady!” I don’t know what the answer is…disdain for women of a certain age is deeply imbedded in our society. Maybe blogs like this one will help pave the way for our daughters to be exalted and valued when they are in the ripe years of their lives.
September 28th, 2008 at 9:48 am
The Boomer women are more accomplished, resilient, enterprising and entrepreneurial than any generation that has gone before. I hope someone writes a book about us and what we are up to. Let’s not listen to the toothless howl of impotent old lions. We have too much work to do to get distracted.
October 28th, 2008 at 7:07 am
Christie,
We’ve created a whole web site to CELEBRATE the 50+ woman and help her connect with other JUICY counterparts:
http://www.vibrantnation.com
Come on over and bring your friends!