What Midlife Crisis?
October 23, 2008, by Carine Fabius
What constitutes a bona fide, howling, 3-D midlife crisis? For men, it’s become a cliché:
1) Buy a convertible sports car
2) Begin harboring evil thoughts about your wife
3) Have an affair with someone 20 years your junior
But, what about us? What are the signs of a woman on the verge? We are too complex to fall into easily categorized behavior patterns (of course). First, we don’t need to wait for the midlife point, which, thanks to increasing life spans, now begins neatly at fifty. Secondly, we can have several midlife crises if we feel like it. I think I had my first at age 43. That was when the therapist, who helped keep my marriage together, pointed out that there was something vaguely rebellious about my latest decisions, as in:
a) The sudden urge to dye my hair platinum blonde
b) My takeover of one of the rooms in our house as my own private space (I didn’t tell him I was planning to put a sign on the door that said, KEEP OUT, THIS MEANS YOU!)
c) My choreographed plan of escape, down to packed suitcase and (botched) disappearing act, even though I didn’t really want a divorce
At age 49, I’m ashamed to say I did the hackneyed guy thing. Even though I am an art dealer, and need a light truck to haul paintings around, after arguing about it with my husband for three years, I put my foot down and decided life was just too short not to have a Mini Cooper. Maybe that one falls in the category I just this minute invented—a mini midlife crisis! Does saying, To hell with it, I’m going to do what I want, constitute a midlife crisis, or can it be called the wisdom that comes with age, wherein you realize you’re not getting any younger, and it’s now or never?
All I know is that I sooo enjoy zipping around in my Mini, attracting envious looks from people, who correctly assume I’m a carefree, fun-loving person not in the throes of a midlife crisis. I am 51 now, and don’t feel any of the panic that was simmering beneath my very brown hair back then. It is now a warm brown with golden blonde highlights, and I feel settled inside my skin. Neither do I feel anything tugging at me to escape. Now that my three-year lease is over, I’m going to trade in the Mini for a smoother-riding Scion XD that gets more miles to the gallon, and fits more than half a person in the back seat.
But, I have been dreaming of a really, really short, spiky haircut lately. And there was that flirtatious, Aston Martin-driving Australian guy, who pulled up alongside me the other day. When he flashed his devastating smile and asked me to roll down my window, I smiled back, did as asked, and started wondering how old he was… Oh my God, maybe we’re not so different from guys after all!
What constitutes a midlife crisis? I need answers!
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 am
I call it a mid-life renaissance!
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:57 am
If a mid-life crisis is zipping around in a car teenagers usually drive, coloring your hair and flirting with younger guys then…sign me up! Sounds just fine to me. Keep up the good work.
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:01 am
oh my God!
I wanted a two seated Mercedes and i wanted to leave, just like that, (let them cook themselves)aaaand i have my own room… now! What does that mean am I growing, too?
but I am just a little girl (only 44)and i am sure life is just about to start.
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:44 am
For the young at heart, like you and many of the Fifty is the New readers, crisis is just another word for express yourself and do what you want to do! Men seem to need more ego stroking in their crises, women just want to have fun.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I would love to have a mid-life crisis, but I have children instead. Children are, of course, a crisis from day one when they arrive red and wrinkled and screaming for your tits. (In this way, they remind me of all the men I’ve ever met who are in the midst of a mid-life crisis.) Bottom line: a mother isn’t allowed the indulgence of a mid-life crisis. After all, who will take the kids to school, feed the little buggers and notice that their shoes are too tight if mom is gallavanting at Two Bunch Palms with a brooding James Dean lookalike who is pretending he’s a writer, but actually just has a talent for sarcasm? Not that I know anyone who fits this description…
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:35 pm
VIVA LA VIDA LOCA
Crises is not be able to enjoy life like a teen, sex,drugs and rock and roll should be part of our routine, we should live today, forget the past and don’t think about the future, delete the sugar daddy and become a sugar mama.
If you drive a mini cooper you are super-duper, write like Carine, sing like Madonna and paint like Zebi and 40,50,60,70…………. will be just like your 20….
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I have no answers, only questions.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
My personal opinion of a mid-life crisis has been narrowed down to the next “hot flash”, “mood swing” and occasional “full bladder urges requiring prompt relief”! Outside of those and at this stage of our lives, we are indeed more secure & comfortable in our skin; we know what we want, when we would like to have it and have a pretty good idea on how to get it! The results are usually pretty satisfying to say the least! Therefore Carine, move on right along, live it up! and stop searching! You’re doing just fine!
October 24th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Dear Pru is totally 100 percent correct. If those of us with children had true, died in the wool mid-life crises, then we would most certainly be deemed bad parents ala “Kramer vs Kramer.” God knows it’s tempting, though. But hey, I’ll live vicariously through yours knowing full well that I did, in fact, live my teenage and pre-marital years to the fullest.
October 26th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Without actual design, I appear to have blown up my life about every ten years. Sounds like you like to do the same Carine. Brilliant! Keeps everyone guessing and certainly makes the blood sing too. Who knows what you’ll do next? I cant wait to hear about it.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
To avoid any meltdowns, I developed my instant empowerment phrase. I listen very carefully to what someone else wants me to do, assess it’s relevance, fun, challenge, and how much of my time it will take, and if the request doesn’t meet my criteria, I say “Hmmm, yeah…I’m not doing that.” It’s cheaper than a car. But, my my Carine, you do look cute in that Mini-Cooper.