Quit Saying That!!!
January 29, 2009, by Connie Stetson
Why, oh why, do we throw the word “pussy” around like that’s an undesirable thing? Most of the men I know chased pussy before they even knew what they were going to do with it, even if they caught up to it.
I just saw the very good, Gran Torino, another great American film directed by Clint Eastwood, that tells a story of the awakening of the human heart, of friendship and sacrifice. Why, I cried like a little girl. The next time I see it, I’m gonna man up, blow my nose, and count the number of times Walter (Eastwood) calls Toa a “pussy.” Could we please just quit saying that!!!?
I just read a story in our local paper, The Fresno Bee, about Emily Cox, the current Miss Kentucky winning the Evelyn Ay Sempier Quality of Life Award for promoting a workshop called “Uniquely Me—Promoting Self-Esteem in Adolescent Girls.” Good on her. A much needed platform to be sure, and how ironic that the message comes out of a beauty contest, one of the most backward, silly, irrelevant, girl-fights embraced by our culture. Yeah, yeah, I know—it’s all about the scholarships.
Maybe it’s just me, but talking about promoting world peace and ending hunger while standing in a bikini, high heels and a sash, seems a little more than coo-coo. Well, perhaps we wouldn’t need Miss America Pageants or self-esteem workshops for that matter, if we believed to our very fiber that being born a woman is just as good as having been born a man. But we do not. Most women still do all cleaning up, child rearing, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry and all of the menial tasks that must be done without so much as a conversation with their partners to decide how these chores will be divided. It is just assumed that women will do it. AND—we go to work where we get paid less for working the same jobs as our brothers (though I’d like to see them wear high heels all day long like first lady Michelle Obama did on Inauguration Day). Hopefully, this old way of thinking and speaking to one another will fade as we adjust to a new paradigm in a new time. We’ll see.
In the meantime, I submit to all my sisters, when you hear a coach tell his team of boys that they’re a bunch of pussies, the response should be, “They should be so lucky.” Or even better, what if we started a trend with how we use that word “pussy.” Anybody see Swingers? When Vince Vaughn kept saying, “that’s so money”? Well, how about the next time you see a girlfriend and she’s sporting some really hot boots, you just say, “Those boots are sooo PUSSY!” Yeah—say it loud.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:02 am
A perfect post on the day that the president signs the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Law.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:44 am
The “women’s movement” of the 60s and 70s barely scratched the surface of how deep paternalism, sexism and misogyny run in our supposedly democratic culture. (Never mind the cultures where women are covered up, traded like cattle and sequestered.)
The fact that Chief Justice John Roberts’ Supreme Court stripped Lily Ledbetter’s monetary damages to punish her (“bad girl!”) for having the nerve to bring her very meritorious lawsuit in the first place, shows how creepy life can get when our enlightened society moves even a bit more to the “right.” And then, to punish her further, Goodyear Tires re-assigned the diminuative 50something Lily from a management job to a job lifting truck tires. I’m surprised they just didn’t stone her to death right then and there.
Two new resolutions: 1) Stop conversations cold when the “P” word comes up; and 2) Never buy Goodyear tires again.
Right on, Connie!
January 29th, 2009 at 7:46 am
How bad can pussy be when the future king of England, Prince Charles, wants to be a tampon in Camilla’s–well, you know what?
January 29th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Being a self-proclaimed “word nerd” and fan of linguists like NPR commentator Jeff Nunberg, I started scanning my brain for equivalent terms: “dickhead,” “dickwad”or its derivative “dick” come to mind. Then there’s “douche bag”— all derogatory terms used to describe men, in my experience. I don’t recall having heard a woman use “pussy” to mean meek or non-assertive, and when it comes to the female body part, vagina or vajayjay don’t really work for me. I would like to reclaim pussy to mean something like its feline roots: soft, warm, sometimes fierce and often pleasurable.
I applaud the gay community who, I believe, has reshaped the word “queer” into something cool. It’s older meaning may even go by the wayside in years to come. Connie, I support your campaign and your reasoning is spot on. Let’s go for it ladies!
January 29th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Crikey, Connie, you make a really good case. I am on it. I am humming What’s New Pussycat? as I write this.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
I use the word pussy all the time and often note how it makes people uncomfortable–women included. I agree that we should start calling men on it, or anyone else who uses pussy to mean someone weak or meek; however, I think it’s also okay for people to use whatever word feels most natural and comfortable for them. There are so many to choose from! For the record, I absolutely ABHOR the ridiculous “vajayjay.” I know I just said we should use whatever we feel comfortable with, but whenever I hear that word, the dictator in me wants to declare it banished forever from modern language.
January 29th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
The word “pussy” always made me cringe. It’s time I got over it. Up with Pussy Power! Meow!
January 29th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I think we all know that there is no equivalent male expletive for the C-Word (I don’t even dare write it), and I’m not comfortable re-claiming that word even though the Goddess Eve Ensler would have us do so. One of the years I produced the Vagina Monologues, as a team, we called ourselves, The Pussy Posse (Also The Twat Team and The Muffia…I’m now liking The Clitteratti). Let’s form an ex-officio Pussy Posse and start a wave. Now that’s soooo pussy! Thanks for joining the fold, laydees. Love you all.
February 2nd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
the fold? pun intended?
February 3rd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Clitterati! Now that’s one I’ve never heard and I love! Pussy not so much. But I’ll work on it.
February 4th, 2009 at 8:01 am
When I went back to work after my daughter was born, I paid Masa, the woman who was caring for Alice, a bit more than half of what I was earning. I didn’t mind. She was doing the more important work.
I wonder if when what we tend to define as “women’s work” is held in the esteem of which it is worthy, men will get all competitive and want to take it over.