The More Things Change…
February 1, 2009, by Christie Healey
Lake Merritt, photo by Cathy R Fischer
The more things change, the more things stay the same. My mother could muster an old saw for every occasion and this was one of her favourites. I have probably inherited a little of this annoying trait. Change has been in the air and in everyone’s mind a lot lately and this phrase (and my mother’s voice) has been running through my mind constantly.
Do things really appear to change and then end up staying the same? Well, if one is intent upon only creating the appearance of change, then my mother’s comment will have a certain truth to it. I waited years for my late husband to change (being late was one of the things I waited for him to change). Then I woke up one day and realized it was me who had to change. So I did. I changed my attitude, the locks on the doors and my marital state. Things were not the same afterwards.
Women go through “the change.” Men do too, but we haven’t been able to make them feel comfortable enough to openly discuss it yet. As women bid a fond farewell to the childbearing years, some of us slap a high five to the senior sex years. Which can be not unlike the junior sex years, but hopefully with more discrimination. At the end of my passage through menopause, I could not discern much difference in myself. I seemed pretty much the same.
I picked these two examples because one is appears to be change over which we have power, and the other appears to be change over which we have none. Few changes are truly imposed upon us. Events of “force majeure” or acts of God (a lovely concept in contracts which releases the imperiled parties from liability or blame) do happen, but they are relatively rare. And even when we are faced with these catastrophes, we always have the power of voice and choice in how we deal with situations.
The new American administration will struggle less to make the changes that we, through election, have decided we so desperately need in our country and our world, if we all agree to stay engaged and lend our individual power to the efforts. Government by the people for the people indeed! Otherwise, we’ll only succeed in creating the appearance of change and that’s not what our votes said we wanted last November.
I remember another old saw:
God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change those I can and the wit to know one from the other.
Thanks Mum, you’re always there when I need you.
February 2nd, 2009 at 9:33 am
Remember when your classmates wrote in your yearbook, “Don’t ever change?” Egad! The years I wasted believing that was desirable or even possible. Change is an irresistable force that needs to be surfed, not stopped. As my mother said, “Why bang your head against a brick wall?”
February 2nd, 2009 at 4:18 pm
You wrote: “Women go through “the change.” Men do too, but we haven’t been able to make them feel comfortable enough to openly discuss it yet.”
Yes, good point Christie. I recently saw Suzanne Somers with her husband Alan Hamel on Oprah . She’s doing the bio-identical hormone thing and he’s on testosterone! I had never heard of that before. I wonder what the guys think of that?
February 2nd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
If there’s one thing that can be counted on in this life we live, it’s that every thing is in a constant state of change……constantly!
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:01 am
Conz,
Right on! How many baby boomerettes are still running around thinking they’re in high school? Still gossiping, still wearing too much eyeliner, still trying to steal other girls’ boyfriends (or husbands, at this point)? As our new President says, “It’s time to leave childish ways behind.” (That’s paraphrasing, but you get the point.)
Pru
February 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I changed my attitude, the locks on the doors and my marital state. Things were not the same afterwards.
Love that!