Baby got Back!
February 5, 2009, by Prudence Baird
The Reader by Fernando Botero
After almost two decades of being so thin that I could pull my size 4 pants down to my ankles without unzipping the fly, I finally have some junk in my trunk.
Believe it or not, that’s change I can live with.
For years, I’ve felt like the oddball when girlfriends discussed the inevitable weight gain that seems to come with age. I pretended to by sympathetic, cocking my head, clucking at all the right moments. Not that I was unsympathetic, but while they were worried about morphing into Mama Cass, my fear was I was withering into Margaret Hamilton, whose bony wrists I found almost as frightening as the Flying Monkeys she commanded.
And sympathy is only a one-way street when it comes to weight. I learned this the hard way when a girlfriend once snapped at me, “What would you know about it? You’re probably always thinking, ‘At least I’m the thinnest person in the room.’”
Not really. I’m usually thinking, “I’m the most wrinkled woman in the room.”
Last month, however, as I slipped on my bra, I noticed two new phenomena—both cups were full! Granted, these are A-cups, but the last time they were bursting with mammary material was 1996 when I finished breastfeeding my second son. I wondered if the bra had shrunk in the dryer. I tried on a second bra with the same results. I pulled on my pants, but couldn’t get them past my knees without unzipping the fly.
Had I been punked by a house elf?
This weight gain happened overnight. I swear. One day, my breasts were two deflated balloons hovering around my belly button gasping for air. The next day they were aloft and drifting closer to where breasts should reside—on my chest.
We don’t own a scale—I don’t think any thin person does. But next time at the vet, I hopped on the doggie scale and found I’d gained ten pounds in less than a year! I don’t have a problem with that—except that I have an entire drawer full of size 2 and size 4 pants. Only two pairs now fit me—and one of these is yoga pants that don’t go all that well with long underwear and snow boots.
Nonetheless, the good outweighs the bad. To whit:
• I have a legitimate excuse to go guilt-free shopping,
• I can now break black ice when I step on it instead of skittering across it like a kitten, only to crash-land onto my (previously) bony butt, and
• My face is fuller, which works well for me.
In fact, as my husband, son and I were reading in the family bed last night, my spousal unit who is renowned for never commenting on my looks—good or bad—remarked, “Casey, doesn’t Mommy look like Kate Winslet?” (He didn’t even say, “Kate Winslet’s older sister!”)
I’ll take that! And I’ll keep that extra ten pounds, thank you very much.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:08 am
Yes!
Thanks for the great smile on my face.
February 5th, 2009 at 8:19 am
It does happen overnight. As a young girl I lamented the appearance of my breasts. They hindered me in ways I wasn’t prepared for especially on the ball field. My latest overnight growth made me even more uncomfortable going from a C to a D cup. Krikey. Do you know how hard it is to find a 36D Bra that doesn’t look like a historical torture device? I know the weight thing is kind of a one way street but I think that is in part because the fashion world is a one way street – one way for the thinner of us. You’ve got a few sizes to go before you get big girl status. I don’t begrudge you having to unzip the zipper to get your pants on. You’ve got junk in your trunk and you’ve got Grace to go with it. I could use some of that!
February 5th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Could it be the fresh air and all that Vermont cheddar?
Thank you Pru for a positive menopause story. Those are few and far between. In your very funny blog you bring up some salient points. I remember being a fit teen and having the natural ability to stop eating when full. It literally was peer pressure that taught me how to overeat, which of course became a struggle later in life. You also point out that distorted body image affects everyone, regardless of girth.
If anyone looks at your picture on the About page of this site, they’ll see that you are no Margaret Hamilton, more Marilyn Monroe. What wrinkles? It’s said that as you age you choose between your face and your butt… well baby, BACK IS BEAUTIFUL, say it loud and say it proud!
February 5th, 2009 at 8:39 am
I’ve gained and lost the same ten pounds for most of my young life, and recently packed it back on. I’m now going with “nature intends for this weight to be here to prepare for a soft landing in my elder years.” That’s my story and I’m sticking with it. Thanks for the laugh, Pru.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I think you just found your newest fat friend. Happy to meet you !-)
February 5th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Margaret Hamilton’s bony wrists… Yoga pants with long underwear and snow boots… You are hysterical, Prudence. Before I turned on my computer today, I was stressing about…can’t remember what, now. Thank you for making me laugh!
February 5th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
It means you’re happy!
February 5th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Upon reading the newspaper that she was now fat, the actress Gena Rowlands told a reporter, that being of a certain age, she noted that a woman choses between her face and her body…luckly for you, that you got both!
Go Pru & her biggish boobs!!!
February 5th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
This blog is going to make my wife happy.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
I relate to your story- as it’s mine. I’ve had the same lack of sympathy from friends who didn’t think I had a problem because I was skinny.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Do have the rights to publish this picture of me, and where did you find it??? LOL Thanks for the blog, and your realistic approach to healthy.
February 7th, 2009 at 6:59 am
I’m loving that this blog sparked a conversation! But no one has mentioned the obvious solution–wear skirts (with elastic waistbands). My only challenge now is that my sons keep asking me why I’m so “dressed up.” I guess they’ll get used to mommy in a skirt–just like I’ll get used to my new caboose! It’s all about the F-word–flexibillity!
February 9th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
I’ve always said that there are more benefits to middle age than drawbacks, and your wonderful post proves my point! You also prove that one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to aging. We all fill out (or not) in different ways. Enjoy shopping for new clothes!
February 10th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Wow! This just made me really smile. I used to be the one at the table who had to drink not one, but two chocolate shakes to keep my weight up. Then one day, poof! From now on, I’m just going to celebrate my “inner Kate Winslet.”
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Ahh Prudence, Have you met your first pair of Spanx yet? When I gained my first ten pound I bought three pair and wore them all at the same time. Welcome to the club!