Valentine Schmalentine
February 12, 2009, by Connie Stetson
Saint Valentine of Terni oversees the construction of his basilica, 14th century
Who was St. Valentine anyway, and why do we offer him our vulnerable, beating hearts, waiting breathlessly for chocolates, roses, poetry, chocolates, a card, maybe a nice dinner out? Did I mention chocolates, “HONEY????” And what’s up with the red satin teddy? Why is my having to wear a red satin teddy the payoff for him remembering to buy me a card, huh? But, I reveal too much about my marriage….
The origin of St. Valentine, and how many there actually were, remains a mystery. If you go to Catholic Online and browse saints and angels, at least 10 St. Valentines crop up along with, “Looking for a patron saint? Find exactly what you want today!” And “50 percent off saint medals and prayer ringtones.” Whichever Valentinus you choose, he really did exist, because archeologists dug up a Roman catacomb and discovered an ancient church dedicated to St. Valentine. So, here’s the story…
Valentinus was a priest during the reign of Claudius the Goth (inventor of tattoos, jet black hair dye and nail polish, nipple rings and “guyliner”) who arrested Valentine for performing Christian marriages. Claudius liked Valentinus, until he tried to convert the emperor, which was just bad form in those days—whereupon he was beaten with clubs and stoned and ordered to denounce his faith. When that didn’t do it; he was beheaded.
One legend says that while he was a prisoner, Valentinus restored the sight of his jailer’s blind daughter and left her a note signing it “from your Valentine.” (Sadly, though she could now see, she still couldn’t read, or else she would have been beaten with clubs, stoned and beheaded). In 496 AD, the pope marked February 14th as a celebration in honor of his martyrdom. Is this supposed to make me feel hot and inspired to don the red teddy? Cause, so far, it’s not working.
He is the patron saint of engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, lovers, young people, travelers, the plague and beekeepers. I kid you not.
I also came across a truly lovely story at that site about Japanese men learning to say “I love you” to their wives.
I never did find out anything about the frikkin’ red teddy, though.
Happy Beekeepers Day, everybody.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:35 am
I still don’t understand how a saint who brought back the jailer’s daughter’s sight could inspire hundreds of years of hearts and chocolates. But I would wear a teddy of any color if someone helped me to see.
All that aside, I’ve mixed feelings about the day. While I like the idea of celebrating love, not just romantic love, but love love, the pressure, the commercialism, amateur night at restaurants—that stuff is a turnoff. And then there’s anti-Valentines Day for the haters or the single folk. There are a bunch of T-shirts that announce your disdain. My favorites: V is for Valentine (crossed out) and VODKA is in its place and this one: “Who needs Valentines Day when a girl has batteries.” I’m just sayin’…
February 12th, 2009 at 11:16 am
The commercialization of ALL the holidays is as dumb as all the people buying into them. That said, I don’t have a problem with a day that celebrates love, no matter how twisted the road that brought it. I love the hearts, I love the red stuff (red is for passion, romantic love and success!). But if you don’t, then come up with your own way to celebrate love. Ditch the teddy, Connie!
February 12th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Oh, eventually the teddy gets ditched….
February 12th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I have mixed feelings about the holiday too. My husband’s birthday is on Valentine’s Day, and it’s hard to honor both of those special dates at the same time. Then we’ve got the wedding anniversary, and Sweetest Day … and on it goes. We’re slaves to the card companies, of course. But hey, I learned something new today … Patron saint of fainting and beekeeping!!?
February 13th, 2009 at 1:07 am
Call me an idiot and crazy but I still love most holidays, even though I am a second grade teacher and the holidays can at times be wearing and crazy. These times I call “passages” in life and they help me to remember good things and happy times and I even buy the little hallmark cards that go along with them. I can understand why people may find them commercial, but I salute any times that make people remember each other and validate love and affection. Valentines day helps me rememaber the crazy love I felt (and still when I work on it) for my husband of 30 years. On or off with the teddy Connie it means you are still in the game. Good for you!Play hard and have fun!
February 13th, 2009 at 7:23 am
What cool info! Thanks for sharing. I agree with you . . . still don’t get the connection to the red teddy! Maybe next year you can research that one for all of us!
February 13th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Good sleuthing, Connie, but it goes deeper, so to speak.
Like most “Christian” holidays, St. Valentine’s Day was conveniently pasted on top of a far-older pagan tradition, borrowing some of the elements of the indigenous celebration so as to convert the unholy heathens to the new-and-improved religion, Christianity. They could still celebrate elements of the original holiday, but with a new Christianized explantion and new, less randy interpretation.
Here’s what National Geographic says:
“The lovers’ holiday traces its roots to raucous annual Roman festivals where men stripped naked, grabbed goat- or dog-skin whips, and spanked young maidens in hopes of increasing their fertility, said classics professor Noel Lenski of the University of Colorado at Boulder.
“The annual pagan celebration, called Lupercalia, was held every year on February 15 and remained wildly popular well into the fifth century A.D.—at least 150 years after Constantine made Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire.”
Those clever early-Christians were marketing whizzes, don’t ya know.
I’m not sure who brought the red teddies into the equation, but I’m sure that the ancient Romans would’ve loved the addition of lingerie to Lupercalia.
February 13th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Great article! I’m really underwhelmed by Valentine’s Day in my fifties. Maybe the blooms off the rose — finally.
February 13th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I’m calling Hallmark…
February 13th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Lucky for me, Valentine’s Day is also my husband’s birthday. It really takes the pressure off!
February 14th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Happy Valentines Day Tweeter Sweetie!