I’m a Believer
February 24, 2009, by Melissa Howden
Photo by M.A. Howden
Believing is in vogue again—with all this hope and change in the air.
My mother would have called me a “Pollyanna” and believe me, coming from her that would not have been a compliment. She had a bit of the cynic, which is not the same but somewhat related to a bit of the croup.
I am an equal opportunity Believer.
I’m the kind who believes that if the traffic is slow, I am being protected from an accident up ahead. I believe in the light of the sun and the glow of the moon. The nature of things comforts me.
I believe there are truth tellers and there are liars, and if I pay attention I will always know the difference. In general, the latter cast their eyes down when they tell their lies. Some lying sacks of sh** beg to be called out and look you straight in the eye as they lie their lies. The point is, one always knows a liar. Though the truth can be tough, my time and energy is reserved for the truth tellers.
I believe that some people are givers and some people are takers. Some takers will at least say “Thank you.” If after a time “thank you” never crosses the threshold, I think its good form to move on and quit the giving.
I believe that there is always something good buried in the bad. For example, I spent 10 years in a relationship with someone I loved very much but whose capacity for integrity it turns out, was greatly diminished. But from her, I learned to think outside the box, think big and that anything is possible. For this I am ever grateful. The part I chose not to take away with me was the part that said, do this “…at any cost.” I believe some people are good, and some people just think they are good.
When a tumbleweed crosses the road in front of me I believe it’s a sign and when a hummingbird shows up it’s a visitation.
I believe it’s possible to recognize a love at first sight.
A friend asked me in a somewhat disgusted manner, “Why are you so happy?” I believe it’s easy as hell to spend life sad, mad, depressed and irritated. Joy on the other hand, requires work, commitment and discipline, especially in a world which frequently gives cause for the aforementioned emotions. I believe most things of worth come as a result of work, commitment and discipline.
I believe that the little voice inside should never ever be ignored. That little voice is the source of guidance. I‘ve been on a rant lately, (yes, even with all this hope and change in the air) surrounded as I’ve been, by folks committed to dumbed down idiocy.
I believe there is a reason things happen. Sometimes idiots show up to remind me how to “stop, take a breath and remember” what I believe in. One way I do that is to start each day with a poem and a prayer, which means something different every day.
I am owning my inner Pollyanna. She’s working for me as I drive down the road watching for tumbleweed signs, which, by the way, are plentiful in New Mexico.
February 24th, 2009 at 7:09 am
OMG I have a whole new appreciation for slow traffic and idiots. Really. I loved this piece. Thank you for this gift.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:08 am
Thank you, Melissa, for the lovely reminder of the importance of the simple things and the small gestures, and the ultimate order in all the chaos… Here in New Mexico, the raptors and coyotes are my messengers.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Ahhh….I’m a believer, too, and a self-professed Pollyanna. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I don’t exude joy, though, and not because I’m not happy. Just always lost somewhere inside. Thinking, thinking, always thinking. I enjoyed your voice and writing in this piece. Very, very nice.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:13 am
So happy something is here. Thank you for your comments. I’ve been in a spin. Sometimes something of some value flies out of the spin.
Raptors and Coyotes yes. I saw one big Coyote cross the road in broad daylight. Enough insight to build a 7′coyote fence round the property so my 20lb dog who thinks she is 50 at least – does not become a snack. But I hear the Coyotes gathering nightly on the Rio Pueblo which is one half acre down. We had a yearling bear in the yard in the middle of the night last week. I am sure that was some kind of a message as well…but maybe simply to start shutting the gate now that the snow is gone.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I have a friend who states that a person will tell you who they are within the first 10 minutes of meeting them. The problem being that sometimes we want them to be someone else and we won’t listen carefully. Many, many relationships get off to a rocky start because the each person believes they are with someone other than the the person standing there.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:39 am
The same is true of potential employers and business partners!
February 24th, 2009 at 10:43 am
There is a reason I read this blog on the heels of seeing the film, “What the Bleep Do We Know?” The film primed me to take your insights to heart, much in the same way that tumbleweed primed you for a miracle.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I loved your blog, Melissa. I’m not a “believer” but I do hold honor, integrity, self-expression, and making unto the planet a joyful noise, in very high regard. I also love what the goddess Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.”
February 24th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Oh, and Pru, “What the Bleep Do We Know” just blew my mind wide open. Cathy and I saw that film in Oakland and after it was over, the audience just sat there wanting to talk about what we were just offered. No one left. An amazing moment. Remember, Cathy?
February 24th, 2009 at 11:43 am
You’ve stated some wonderful truths here. Blame and misery are easy. Owning your joy takes guts!
I subscribe to the slow traffic philosophy. I call it the “Angel in the Road,” after the story of Balaam in the Bible.
It’s kind of stupid to beat the donkey for not going forward, when the donkey can see the angel in the road, waiting to whack you with a sword!
My three year old granddaughter said it best, I think: “Just ’cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.”
Thank you for the food for thought, and great picture, too.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
The Universe knows who is speaking the truth. So even if you think you can get away with it… better think twice.
I’ve been called a Pollyanna my whole life. Here’s to butterflies, hummingbirds, clouds, rain, flowers, moon, sun and stars (I could go on for a very long time…) all nature, all truth! What goes around, comes around.
Beautiful piece.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
It takes courage to believe, especially when times are challenging. Yes, there are liars and cheats, they just show the way of balance and make us wise and open-eyed. My new tactic for staying the positive course is to have only small snippets of news. High drama gloom and doom mixed with scare tactics color the world a dreary gray. Long live sunshine and fireflies. Thanks Melissa, for lighting the way today.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
I LOVED “What the Bleep Do We Know”!!!! I wish they’d make more movies like that. But in the meantime, I’m printing this column out to save and remind myself to believe a little more often. Thank you!
March 1st, 2009 at 8:53 am
Isn’t is wonderful when people recognize who you really are the first time you show them. Melissa, you are a Pollyanna and I am so glad to be in your joyfilled wake.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
melissa!
i finally got to your blog – what a lovely piece!
anyway, i miss you, and i hope new mexico is treating you fabulously. hugs!
jill
(fellow millsie, and cov oaklander)
March 16th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Wow. I personally think that the minute someone claims to be Pollyanna-ish, there is something serious they are avoiding. But I hope everything turns out good for you, and that you are not in fact avoiding anything, but that your reality is as beautiful as you believe it to be.
Good luck with that.