Comments on: Nice Girls Finish Last

By: Allison

Allison — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:16:10 +0000

I hated it that Carla lost and I do think she was too nice here. Like many other things, the key is knowing when to be nice and knowing when to politely but firmly hold your ground. And maybe there are times when downright, screw the world I am doing THIS, is appropriate. Knowing what is needed when is the key.

But, dang it, I LOVED Carla. I have to say though she is a little too ‘go with the flow’ I think. She got that far by going with the flow and I think if she had a little more edge to her, she’d go much further.

By: Diane

Diane — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:54:53 +0000

I too was disappointed that Carla “gave in” so easily to suggestions from others. It seemed that she often did so in spite of her better judgement. I do not think she had to choose between being nice and sticking to her own vision in the finale. A good leader listens to others but remains true to their vision. Carla seemed to lose focus during several of the challenges during the competition. And that is what happened during the finale. A life lesson for us all!

By: Betty

Betty — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 16:31:47 +0000

I agree that women need to own their own power/talent/being/whatever. My metaphor for this right now is (as I wrote on my FB last week) perfecting my embouchure to better toot my own horn. I too am tired of just being thought the nice girl (at 60+!) but, as good ole Eleanor said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” We have to develop our embouchure (our inner resources – values, confidence, etc) so we can toot our own horn (our work, our relationships, etc.)

By: Cindy L

Cindy L — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 20:13:55 +0000

Having been a nice-girl-people-pleaser and occasional doormat for a good part of my life, I truly related to this post, Cathy. I also like the way Debra Stokes talked about striking a good balance between “nice and nasty” — the importance of being “REAL.” Thanks for all this good food for thought!

By: Cathy

Cathy — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:42:09 +0000

I agree with those of you who wrote that Carla isn’t a “loser” — yes, as she said, she competed with “love” which for some seems like an oxymoron. In doing so, she created a generous female-oriented way of the warrior. She did however give up her power which made her “finish last,” but she learned something in the end. All in all, she won a car and many fans. Her DC catering business is probably going gangbusters. And as Debra Stokes wrote, “she walked away with something more valuable—herself.” Yes!

Carla’s story brought up a very important issue for women, and from all these smart comments here at Fifty is the New…, I can see the many different sides of this subject. Thanks for writing!

By: Debra Stokes

Debra Stokes — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:04:39 +0000

Great post, Cathy. The good news is that there IS a happy medium between “nice” and “nasty” – it’s called REAL. By whose standard is Carla a loser? Ok, she didn’t win the prize, but she walked away with something much more valuable – herself.

By: Penelope Else

Penelope Else — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 08:34:56 +0000

My friend’s husband, an irredeemably selfish man, said one time “the problem with women is they let us get away with crap ALL the time – they find excuses for us, over and over again. They should just refuse it, make us grow up.”

I think it is perfectly possible to be powerful without being bitchy – but that comes largely from not being attached to male approval (a life-time’s training gone, then). You’re then free to say what you like, and you haven’t that *angry* bit inside which makes you say the nasty things that get you the bad name.