Comments on: A Few Good Men

By: ByJane

ByJane — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:00:59 +0000

My father was A Good Man. You could see it in the way he raised his daughters. Don’t know what would have been if he had had sons….

By: Lori Oliver-Tierney

Lori Oliver-Tierney — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:24:38 +0000

I am the mother of two sons who have grown to be two distinct individual men of honor. I know they love me and I have always loved them and will continue to love them unconditionally. They are as different as the sun and the moon. Craig is my sunshine son, sensitive, kind, gregarious and the one who was never afraid to run off the basketball court in high school and give his mom a hug. Sean is a man who likes to “save” things, perhaps that is why he is a firefighter. He has a much harder time showing his feelings but shows things by his actions. He doesn’t like to give presents but will give me gifts of his actions such as building a fence, helping clear our property, splitting wood. He acts, not speaks. Craig listens to me and actually calls me and we have long meaningful converstation. He writes me witty and loving letters. I have been blessed to be their Mom. Both came to see me in The Vagina Monologues and it was so hard for Sean, but he was there on the front row because I asked him to be there, because he is a good man. My son Craig came the next night (because he too is a good man) with his father (my husband) Smiley. It was difficult for Smiley to be there but he came because I needed him to see a part of me I had hidden while raising the boys. I had asked him to bring me flowers and after the show was over I went towards him to get them. He didn’t have any. I looked at him and stupidly and selfishly said, “Where are my flowers.” He looked away in sadness and I think anger. My son, Craig, enfolded me in his arms and said, “Mom you were the flower onstage, I am so proud of You.” He also wisely told me, “Mom, Dad is here and that should be your flowers from him.” Smiley and Craig came to the chocolate reception and Smiley is allergic to chocolate. A counselor once told me, “Your husband is a good man.” That I think says more than anything. Thank you Connie for sticking up for the gender that my family is mostly made of. My life with them has been a journey filled with good men.

By: CRobin

CRobin — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:11:49 +0000

I have been blessed by being surrounded by a “few good men” from my birth and still today. My father, brother, best friends, ex-lovers (all except the ex-husband) fit that category. To me that’s the norm, and the others are an unfortunate anomaly. It’s the power-grabbers, who often have those negative traits that give them visibility, but I won’t allow them to represent the male majority. I’ve never enjoyed and rarely participated in “male bashing,” that said, the humor in the difference of the sexes is something I enjoy whole-heartedly. And as Joanna J. commented, BOYS and MEN are a different breed. Let’s honor those good MEN (menches), each and every day!

By: Joanna J.

Joanna J. — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:23:37 +0000

My dear friend, upon seeing her newborn son for the first time, pledged to raise him to be a MAN– A kind, considerate and caring man. She was specific that she was NOT raising a BOY. She was raising someone’s future husband, father and/or friend and she took the job very seriously. Her baby was not going to repeat the mistakes of past men in her life. I have never forgotten those words. Now at age 12, her son recognizes the sweet taste of homegrown tomatoes and eats every bite. He knows the difference between grocery store bought flowers (an impulsive gesture) and personally selected flowers from a florist (a deliberate gesture) and that both have significant meaning to the recipient. He’s a great protector of animals and rescues neighborhood pets from harm’s way. He makes friends easily and knows the importance of saying “I appreciate you”. He often uses words like “magical”, “meaningful”, and ‘I love you”. Although he’s at the age where he’s conscious of what the other kids might say, he’s developed a system with his Mom to always let her know he loves her, even when knee deep in peer pressure– A squeeze of the hand, a wink of the eye, or a few code words– then he’s off, to be a boy with an eye on manhood. These are the things TAUGHT to him by his MOTHER who loves him unconditionally.

By: Conz

Conz — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:17:03 +0000

Pru–that gawdawful picture of Bush strutting about on the USS Lincoln declaring, “Mission accomplished” was like saying, “I got off, now where’s my pizza?” I always say, “the bigger the car, the smaller the codpiece”.

The more men that reject that kind of image of inauthentic power, the closer we all become to a middle ground where we can really talk about equality.

By: carine

carine — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:50:07 +0000

As always it’s all about balance. Our dear brothers give us plenty to bitch about, and while it’s all fine and good to acknowledge and understand the hurt and vulnerability behind those boys who become big fat idiots (like Bush), that doesn’t mean we have to accept their behavior. (And no, I don’t think that’s what dearpru is advocating.) That being said, I love our other halves, and love watching them beam when I pay them a compliment on how great they look. They’re not that used to it, and they love the recognition!

By: dearpru

dearpru — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:55:45 +0000

This essay elicits so many thoughts, Connie.

I first think of my father, who at the end of his life shed bitter tears that he had purposely chosen not to be involved in his daughters’ lives because of the rigid male stereotype he endeavored to fulfill–even though behind vodka gimlets and golf clubs he was a sensitive, emotional being.

I think of our former president, the one-dimensional George W. Bush, strutting around the flight deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln in 2003 wearing his little flight suit costume with its giant codpiece; a banner behind him declaring “Mission Accomplished.” Was he, as the songwriter Pink asks, “a lonely boy” behind all that false and unearned bravado? A lonely boy who just wanted his parents’ approval if he was the preppy cheerleader and not the quarterback? Why couldn’t he just cry and put his head in Barbara’s lap? Why did 5,000 Americans and half a million Iraqis have to die for his inability to access his feelings of insecurity?

How many wars and heartbreaks and rapes have occurred because men are are ashamed to admit–or would be punished for–their insecurities and frailties? How many affairs and ponzi schemes have behind them a tremulous, vulnerable being who just wants mommy or daddy or someone to say, “You ARE the best boy?”