Thoughts on Passion
May 5, 2009, by Carine Fabius
Carine Fabius recently watched a romantic comedy in which two smart women behaved like “dimwits” as they searched for love and passion. That got her thinking, once more, on the topic of passion. Here’s an excerpt from her book, currently in progress.
I never recovered from Body Heat, the movie. I’ve seen it 50 times. I love everything about it—the music, the dialogue, the mood. It was all that passion—that hissing, heated, flame orange emotion. Matty Walker snared Ned Racine with it; in no time the man was hooked. His obsession led to murder. The whole thing left me reeling. I like that in a movie.
At the tender age of 18, I’d already been through the wash cycle on hot with passion, and wrung out in a dryer set on high; but that was just a preview. Soon, I’d be dancing on hot coals all over again. And again.
Why?
That’s the question I asked myself back then, and now, as I see single women of all ages putting themselves through the wringer even after repeated proof that sexual passion only leads to misery and disappointment. And that’s just the fun part!
Who cares? I hear you saying to yourself as you sit by the phone, waiting for him to call, and drowning in self-hatred. I still want him.
Why?
I’ll tell you why. It’s because we’re insane. What else would you call people who walk into the same wall again, and again, and again, until the lump on their head is so huge that they can be mistaken for an Elephant Woman, albeit one wearing cute and pointy pumps.
I have been accused of losing all touch with present day reality when dispensing my know-it-all relationship advice to those I see walking that same old tired road. Why? Because I am married—that coveted, all-bliss-all-the-time state of coupledom heaven.
“I think you don’t know what the f*___ you’re talking about,” my friend Precious says to me without caring that she might be insulting. After all, I have just spent the last ten minutes praising the joys of being alone, and of finding peace with it. Within.
“What do you know about being alone? You’ve haven’t been single for 20 years!”
“Yeah, but I mastered the art of being a doormat before that! Just look at all my framed diplomas and certificates!” I say, horrified that I might be mistaken for someone who never groveled at the feet of some lousy jerk. Someone who never entertained the thought of wide, gaping darkness and fear at the thought of living without Prince Charming aka Joe Blow. No, I done earned my stripes, Louise. And the reason I decided to write about the subject of passion, and its super-hero grip of steel on our emotional wish list, is that even as I sit here, high up on my 20-year marriage perch, and dole out hard-gained, expert advice on navigating passion’s pull, I send daily prayers of thanks that some hot and sexy bad boy hasn’t come along to shred my happy and contented state of affairs. More than anything, I remember how hard it was to say no…
May 5th, 2009 at 7:26 am
“Body Heat” stormed my mind and heart at 21. Saw twice with in as many days in the Big Theater that I had to drive 45 minutes to from my remote home in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. I so wanted to be her; passionate, focused, heartless yes, but to my rural mind, guided by a higher calling to a personal truth that was completely out of my league. I was awestruck.
As of June 18, I will be married four years for the first time, ever. And I am turning 51 soon … most women look at me, slightly astonished and query “how did you manage that?”
Not difficult at all as I was in pursuit of the steely grip of passion you so beautifully portray here. No really, bite me again! Please! I am looking forward to the book.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Ah, Body Heat. Love that movie. A few years ago I re-connected with the “bad boy” love of my life after contacting him through Classmates.com. We met at the Phoenix airport while I was en route to Santa Fe. I cannot remember the last time I was so scary breathless. Thank Goddess he’d turned into a republican Jabba the Hut, or I might have ditched my perfectly happy marriage simply to relive those itchtwitchy feelings. Oh yeah–Body Heat. I’m gonna rent that this weekend and maybe hop on pop. We’ll see….
May 5th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Okay…I’ll be honest. It is without question one of the best movies ever, but ultimately, I found “Body Heat” really depressing. All that manipulation and kinky sex could only end badly. At the onset, really (and I mean really) good sex can only last a year tops. After that it’s either murder (ala Body Heat), love or over. I’m a “Pride and Prejudice” girl myself. Specifically, the most recent version with Kiera Knightly and Matthew MacFayden who plays Darcy. The intense banter between them is part of the attraction. I’m sorry but that last scene where Darcy trudges across the English countryside to beg Elizabeth Bennett to marry him is just unbelievably sexy. I confess to watching that movie uncountable times, repeatedly fast forwarding to that scene. Before having sex, those two really got to know each other. Lets face it, after the hot “Body Heat” sex dies down, there better be something else to keep the relationship going…or it’s murder!
May 5th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Lest we forget, the word “passion” derives from the Latin stem “pati-” meaning “to suffer or endure.” We’ve all heard of the “Passion of Christ,” which is about his suffering and humiliation. The passion-flower, in fact, is so named because of its resemblence to Jesus’ crown of thorns.
After being through the passion wash cycle so often that my heartstrings are threadbare, I can name about a hundred and three emotions I’d rather be feeling than passion. One of these is amusement, which I often feel when I watch films like Body Heat. How can anyone in the grips of that kind of passion think the outcome will be in any way gratifying?
I have no allusions; passion & prudence just don’t mix well.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Sexual passion is hot all right, but so is passion for life, art, creativity, peace, etc. Right now my lust list is less crotch-centric, thus easier to manage. Not to say a little hot and spicy passion would be a bad thing. I don’t miss passion’s crazy-making pull, as in the high drama relationships of my younger days. Hopefully with age comes more balance to keep the bad boys at bay, and still stir it up.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I can’t wait to buy this book! When will it be published????
More please!
May 5th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
To Joanna Jay:
You’re a woman after my heart. The book is in the works and will soon be shopping around for a publisher. I will definitely post more excerpts in the months to come!
May 10th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Body Heat! Says it all doesn’t it. Thanks, Carine, I havent seen this film in years but now I am going to watch it again. By the way, if you do come across any hot sexy bad boys and don’t want to risk it, you can always give them my number. I’ll be first in line at the book signing.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Carine, you were a “cougar” before the word was created for woman who walked, sizzled and purred with intentions other than wanting a “bad” boy. I remember those jerks ways back and I have had a single life the last twenty years, after my last firewalk. I have to practice each breath to stay in my heart, to keep the flame lite and keep my mind and its dark thoughts in the trunk. I never had a chance at a nice guy and as I sit here smiling, I am so glad you did!