WTF California?
June 2, 2009, by Melissa Howden
Photo by Melissa A. Howden
I’m getting gayer by the moment.
I’m guessing my burgeoning gayness is in part my indignant response to those intent upon denying me and my tribe, our equal rights in this country. The rights to marry, to adopt, to care for our loved ones, to have the benefits of insurance, inheritance and whatever else all ya’ll get as standard operating procedure.
It’s a strange time this. On the one hand being gay is like a newly desired accessory tantamount to seasonal fashions—the color, a hemline or a purse (Ellen DeGeneres is a CoverGirl after all). One newly “out” celebrity is proclaiming to any media outlet that will listen that she has always been out, which, I happen to know, is absolutely not the truth and who really cares anyway? So while some are scrambling to proclaim their gayness and claim their seat as the new gay poster child, the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8, which denies gays the right to marry in the state. Well that is not exactly true either. The 18,000 gay couples who were legally allowed to marry by the same Supreme Court last year in the window of time before the Mormon Church essentially paid for the Proposition to deny that right, those couples can be married. Are you following? I did say it was a strange time.
I read the 136-page California Supreme Court decision and then I marched in the streets of San Francisco to oppose that decision. I am not a lawyer or a legal scholar but as near as I can tell, the decision was hinged on the tiniest sliver of the Proposition law, which amended the Constitution. Some would say that the Proposition system of California is broken, has been for a while and I would have to agree. But no matter, I, as a gay woman still don’t have the same rights as others and yes I am required by law to pay the same taxes.
I object.
“The rule the majority crafts today not only allows same-sex couples to be stripped of the right to marry that this court recognized in the Marriage Cases, it places at risk the state constitutional rights of all disfavored minorities.”
—California Supreme Court Justice Carlos Moreno, from his dissent on Proposition 8
“The court now has less power to fulfill the purpose for which it was created: keep the tyranny of the majority from trampling the rights of the minority. Anyone can be a minority if enough people don’t like the way you live, worship or think.”
—Joel Engardio of the ACLU on the California Supreme Court decision to uphold Proposition 8
A fluke of scheduling meant that I was in California when the latest ruling came down. I’d lived in California for the better part of 35 years before moving to New Mexico in December. Being in California meant that I could march down the street holding the hand of my girlfriend exercising my right to protest. It felt good. And I expect that exercising this particular right is something I will have to continue to do many times in the future. After all the state of New Mexico has no laws on the books pertaining to same sex marriage, struggling as we are in a Catholic dominated state (by the way, whatever happened to the part of the Constitution which specifies the separation of Church and State) to get simple domestic partnership law on the books.
My girlfriend doesn’t even want to go to the weddings of heterosexual couples unless they register for gifts only with organizations working for the rights of gay people to have the same rights. I agree with her in principle, but I’m hesitant to impose that will, feeling as though I’d be contributing to the cycle of oppression, moral, philosophical or otherwise.
But yes I am getting gayer every day. I’m gay on the airplane, gay in the grocery store, gay in the salon, gay in my yoga class—here I’m gay, there I’m gay, everywhere I’m gay, oh so gay.
Getting married? Having a shower? Want to honor someone in your life?
Register and donate below.
The Courage Campaign www.couragecampaign.org/fearless
National Center for Lesbian Rights www.nclrights.org
Human Rights Campaign www.hrc.org
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 am
Your “oh so gay” grrlfriend likes this. You rock, my gayer by the day love. And to my straight, about to be married friends, perhaps gifting to a legal gay rights organization should at least be an option. Don’t scratch me off the guest list. I support heterosexual marriage rights too:) If I wasn’t so afraid of the hard mattress and bad food I might consider withholding my tax payments until I too have full and equal rights.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:46 am
On this subject Melissa, I am gay too. I march and protest too. Denying anyone the same civil rights as anyone else is simply, logically wrong in our supposed democracy. How does your love threaten mine? What tragically frightened,insecure people these religious right-wingers are, and what power their fear generates. To have law made by zealots is dangerous and we must reverse this trend. I love my country. I do not wish to live in a theocracy.
On to the Supreme Court.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:08 am
This is the civil rights movement of our era. It’s time to take to the streets.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:11 am
My partner and I were one of the 18,000 couples who got married in California in that window of time. We have been together for 28 years. When we stood there at the courthouse and the civil servant who married us asked us how long we’ve been together, I could see the compassion on her face knowing that she understood how big of a deal this was for us. It was a huge deal. Prior to this day, Sept. 19, 2008, my partner and I were legally domestic partners. The official procedure was likened to getting a driver’s license – very impersonal.
Even though my partner and I get to file as a married couple through the State of California, we still have to file separately to the Federal Government. Yeah, that means paying an accountant extra to do the extra paperwork involved. So, even though we had the right to marry, the Federal Government has to recognize it as well. Otherwise, we still don’t have equal rights (social security, survival benefits to name a couple). We have come a long way since Stonewall but we have a long way to go!
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:29 am
And, I love Obama, but what’s he waiting for to change his damn mind on this issue?
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 am
On September 12, 2001, Le Monde, France’s largest and most respected newspaper’s headline read, “Today, We Are All Americans.”
On May 27, 2009, newspapers across the country–and the world–should have read, “Today, We Are All Gay” because this fraudulent ruling by California’s Supreme Court is an all-out attack on our own people and on the freedoms so many Americans have given their lives to defend.
Thinking and caring people all over the world side with you and your partner Melissa. And, yes, today and every day until you have this all-too-briefly exercised freedom back, we ARE all gay.
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I grew up in Utah and around the Mormon church. That is part of the reason I left. The state is beautiful, but the bigotry is ugly. Many times I was asked to be a part of the Mormon church but I could never do it, largely in part because of their stand on women’s rights and African Americans not being able to be part of their “preisthood.” It was amazing that this part of their doctorine changed when black basketball players would not play for their college basketball team anymore. (BYU). My college son stood in the streets in opposition to Prop. 8 and was hurled insults and told he was a “faggot.” He is straight but didn’t find the need to tell them this. I was never prouder of him. The right of all Americans is to live in a country where we are all free. I am hopeful that someday the small frightened people of this country who think being gay is somehow something to fear will come to the realization that the only thing we should really fear is hatred and ignorance. So be gay, be happy and live life fully and remember that your life is your best defense.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Dear Lori,
I love and thank your son. This is where the change will come, with your son and his friends. I see it everyday in the next generation and the one beyond that. My 12 year old, about to be 13 year old friend wonders what the big deal is. My junior in college friend joins the likes of your son.
I thank you for raising such a son. And I thank him for honoring what you gave him in such a powerful way.
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:16 am
I remember the story of King Christian X of Denmark wearing a yellow star in solidarity with the Jews during WWII. Maybe we could all do something more powerful to show our support of our fellow citizens in their struggle for their civil rights.
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:38 am
I so look forward to Sunday mornings when I get the New York Times. The first section I read is Styles (call me shallow, whatever…) and, then I get to the wedding section and I’m always thrilled to see same sex couples in the mix, which has been happening more and more in the last year or so. I look forward to a time when this is not even something unusual, but just a part of the celebration of love for all.
I think that straight couples should put those organizations on their wedding registries, but that people can choose between this important issue or crock pots. I bet most would choose charity.
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
If it’s any consolation, New Hampshire’s governor just signed gay marriage into law today (Wednesday,June 3rd). One by one, all states will eventually get with the program. It’s just really f-ing stupid that California isn’t in the lead position on this important civil rights issue.
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Yes New Hampshire! Good on them. And yes its still a strange time when Iowa sees the light before California but maybe that’s just my flyover state chauvinism at work. What do I know?
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
I think we (at least I) often forget that California is filled with conservatives. Living in LA or the Bay Area okay, liberals are in force, but what about Central CA or behind the Orange curtain? Lest we forget that we have and have had many a Republican governor. California may not be a leader on this issue, but I sure I hope we will follow, and soon! It’s outrageous.
June 4th, 2009 at 7:05 am
Cathy, you are SO right. As a California ex-pat, I think that the chauvinism of SF and LA (e.ge, the “we know better” ‘tude) stymies the statewide advancement of liberal causes in the end.
Those who live inland in the more inhospitable regions of the state–where getting dirt under your fingernails is part-and-parcel of making a living–look askance at the antics of sophisticated big city folk.
I don’t know what the answer is, but I think Californians interested in progressive issues would be wise to spend some time thinking about outreaching to the farming regions, the high desert towns, and those who commute from the outlying (cheaper housing) regions to work in the big cities. These are the people who build up a resentment factor against the characterization of California as a liberal bulwark. They want some acknowledgement and some say in the matters of state. Just a few thoughts from a public policy geek.
June 4th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
My partner and I live in Utah so the LDS church is everywhere. The best thing about the CA fiasco is that the Gay Community in UT had the opportunity to push the church and the state on gay rights. It did open dialogue and Gov. Huntsman, seeking a moderate political stance for future national ambitions, was supportive. So, what Happens? Huntsman is tapped by Obama for China, leaving us with the Lt. Gov- one of the good ole’ Mormon boys with very old school beliefs. brief glimpse of sunshine for us- now back to the shadows!
June 4th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I think the nature of change like this is that it goes in fits and starts. While California (of all places) is regressing, gay marriage rights seem to be gaining ground in other places. I know it’s frustrating when it affects your life, my sister is gay as is my housemate, but keep the faith, it’s changing and those who are clinging to it are dying out. I predict the mainstream right will soon shed its support because they see the writing on the wall. Just gotta keep pushing, some good suggestions here. Hang in there, it’s coming!
June 8th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Mormons scare me. Something’s not right, folks… something’s not right.