Could Gray Hair Be My Silver Lining?
June 30, 2009, by Cathy Fischer
December 2007, photo by Michel Bocande
Cathy Fischer’s third and final installment of her “hair trilogy”
I thought of writing about a topic other than my hair, but my dear friend and chemo companion Wendy (who accompanied me to all four treatments, where we’d yak for a few hours, leaf through magazines, then go out for a fabulous lunch) insisted that I update those who are anxiously waiting to know if I’ve gone gray or returned to being a slave to color.
First, a quick recap/update:
In January, I posted “Wigging Out” which chronicled my going from hirsute to hairless, in just three days. It started when my hair began falling out after my first chemo treatment for breast cancer. I shaved my head, preemptively, to avoid the horror-induced depression of finding clumps of hair on my pillow or even worse, having a head resembling the cruelest of all male baldness patterns—the Franciscan monk look.
In hindsight, the quote about the “joy” of being hairless was true. It was a relief not having to shave or pluck, cut or color, for a few months. I’m pretty sure that most of the money I saved on hair maintenance went directly to shoe purchases. “Do what makes you feel good” was my motto, which often manifested itself in the form of new shoes, dry vodka martinis or extra crispy french fries.
In late April, I wrote “Gray Matters”. It was soon after the Susan Boyle phenom and a New York Times piece about how the perception of age—not gender, ethnicity or race—is the most difficult to change. I pointed out how I tend to date younger guys (although it’s been so long since I’ve had a date, all bets are off), wrote about working in a young industry and confessed my fear that going gray would make me look dukes of haggard-like.
Fast forward to the near present.
I went back and forth on the color thing. A lot. Finally, I made an appointment with a new hairstylist who does great short cuts. My plan was to shape and color it all—except for the cowlick in front that grew in as a swirling shock of silver.
That was my plan but Julie, the hair genius, convinced me otherwise. She said the gray smatterings made me look soft and if I didn’t like it, I could come back and she’d color it for free. So, I decided to brave it for a week and see what happened. Two weeks later I’m still au natural, and I actually like it. I’m getting pretty good reviews too.
This chic new look has me fantasizing about Japanese designer clothes and moving to Manhattan. And when I’m not thinking about how much I hate my neck, I’m groovin’ on the cropped hair, which for the first time, has a Josephine Baker-esque wave going on in the back. Luckily my eyelashes have returned, and that’s important since now it’s all about the eyes. (Melissa says it’s the lips, but, really…it’s all about the earrings.)
In “Gray Matters” I did some heavy pondering. Could I make a crack in the stereotype, or would I be seen, as mentioned in the Susan Boyle article, as “harmless and useless”? I’ve yet to determine how our ageist society will respond. I haven’t been job or man hunting, and I haven’t had to change my makeup or style, so far….
Will I stay gray and let it go all the way? It’s freeing and fabulous, but, as I recently learned from What Not to Wear, “Hair is an accessory and you should treat it as one. It’s not a permanent fixture.”
From Rapunzel to Samson and throughout the ages, hair has been a metaphor for transformation. I too have been transformed, and like brilliant sunshine after the rain, the outpouring of love, humor and inspiration—from friends old and new—has been the shiniest silver lining of all.
June 30th, 2009 at 7:12 am
Wow, girlfriend! You’ve come into your own. Some people go through life piling on the layers, obscuring more and more their true selves. You are doing to opposite, peeling the layers off, getting to the unique essence that is you. I see in this photo a strong, beautiful woman whose eyes are alight with intelligence and whose smile is kind. If I didn’t already know you, I’d cross the room to ask, “Can we be friends?”
June 30th, 2009 at 7:26 am
That’s a cool cut Cathy. I like the silver streak. And you’re right, if you get tired of it you can change it. But it’s good to see women who look great in grey.
June 30th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Ok, already I’ve got the tears of gratitude welling up. I’ve truly become a gratitude cry baby. Thank goodness we are friends my dearpru! I also wanted to give a shout out to my pals at Boomer Cafe and Midlifebloggers for republishing my previous posts on wigging out and contemplating gray. Thank you for inviting me to share my stories.
June 30th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Woweee Kazowee. Its not the silver, its not the lips, its not the eyes, its the heart and soul that are giving form to all those astounding attributes. You are a BABE! In all respects. So glad I don’t have to cross the room and ask if we can be friends because we already are. How lucky am I? You be smokin’.
June 30th, 2009 at 8:18 am
My darling girlfriend. It was good to have known you when your raven hair cascaded down your back nearly to your waist, but it’s an honor to know you in full flower, beautiful and strong, your perfect head held high. I’m also on the gray band wagon, hair cut short to let the gray come out. Bring it on, I say, and let’s go earring shopping. I love you.
June 30th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Man I wish I went gray like you! My formerly red hair has just turned into dirty dishwater frump.
Love how you are reframing and redefining. The short hair with streak is fabulous. Its like a lightening bolt of energy and power.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Like I always say, you’re BOOOOOO–teee-fullll!
June 30th, 2009 at 11:37 am
You look simply beautiful, because you are simply beautiful inside and out. Of course you look wonderful that is a no-brainer. In my experience, going grey is tricky but you’ve done it with such incredible style–your bone structure doesn’t hurt either! Love you to pieces!
June 30th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Cathy, I love this blog, written with such humor and grace, just like you. You look Grrrrrrreat! Going gray is hard. Everywhere I look I see women our age sporting three or four different colors as they try to avoid cutting it all off. That choice was made for you, and I’m sure you realize by now that it’s just hair, and bonus(!), it grows! So now you get to decide if you want to color it as it grows out, or watch a mane of salt and pepper flow down your back. You have options, which someone I know and love always says is the most important thing (her name is Cathy Fischer).
June 30th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I just looked up the word “stunning” in the dictionary and, lo and behold, there was this same picture of you! How did you do that???? (Are you seeing Mr. Webster on the side, you busy little, uh, person?!)
June 30th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
you look fantastic; sexy and smart with a hint of punk.
July 1st, 2009 at 5:25 am
How Regal you are!!!!! That “cowlick” in the front is just too chic. Thanks for sharing the journey.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:28 am
Never in a million years would I think that my cowlick could be an asset. The angst of plastering it down when I had bangs (on and off again throughout my life) and the frustration of seeing those grays coming in right there in full frontal view has now become something to celebrate. Life is grand, isn’t it?
July 1st, 2009 at 10:28 am
You look gorgeous Cathy. But this is nothing new! Thanks for the peek into your ongoing thoughts & deliberations.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Hiya
Congrats on the grey thing. I decided years ago to let it be natural. I realized that I was just too lazy and cheap to go the colouring route; I’d be one of those babes going ’round with 4″ roots. Yuck!
Not like my hair isn’t important. It was the last thing I held onto that represented the ‘corporate me’ when I went entrepreneurial 13 years ago. Took about 2 years before I realized that the rest of me had changed: new types of clothes, no more pantihose or pumps, etc. But I was still resolutely blow-drying my hair into one of those helmet-head bobs which are so common to corporate chicks.
Have tried many different things since I let that go and find that my hair-style is actually a darned good barometer for how I’m feeling inside. Sometimes it is very, very short and spikey. Other times it is longer, softer, letting the natural waves flow. But always it represents my internal image of mySelf.
It has also become kinda fun to follow how the grey is progressing. Like you, I have a pretty natural swathe of grey at the front, which I’ve had since I was about 16. But it is fun watching the pepper get more liberally sprinkled with salt as the years pass.
I wish you a lifetime of discovery via your choice to go natural!
Gwen McCauley
http://www.ouicoach.com
follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/gwenmccauley
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Darling CC, you have totally captured your roots (as in mummy and daddy) in your new look. So cool, so intellectual, so Euro-chic. This is intriguing. I may have to get to know you all over again. Lucky me!
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:18 pm
You’re gorgeous, inside and out — thanks for sharing your honesty on this journey. You’re an inspiration!
July 3rd, 2009 at 3:00 pm
You look great! It’s all about how we feel inside, isn’t it? Every now and then I see a reflection of myself by chance and I think, “Wow, is that me?”
Thank you for the inspiration!
Love you,
Pam
July 5th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Shouldn’t this go up on MLB as well?????
July 5th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Awesome post, Cathy! And you truly look healthy (thank the universe) and beautiful. I agree with Lynda Keeler–the hint of punk helps keep the look playful and youthful.
I’m probably 90 percent gray in real life, but I’m afraid going au natural would age me considerably, so I’m a slave to the bottle every three weeks. I’ve made a pact with my sister that if I ever go in a coma, she makes sure the dye job is kept up. Otherwise, if I woke up and saw myself, I’d go back under and head for the light.
July 5th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I have been coloring my hair for so long. Unfortunately, I started getting gray in high school. Recently, I was told it was about 80% gray by my hair stylist so I have to believe her. The most difficult part of going gray now is the growing out stage and yours is already there. If you decide you don’t like it, help is around the corner. But you do look very “artsy” this way.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Phew. Great comments. Thank you everyone. I recently saw my cousin, who is my age, and she told me (very honestly) that she thought I looked ten years older. The next day I saw an ex-lover, who is very into style. I asked the ex about looking older, and he said, yes, you do, but you still look great. OK, so I’m pondering that now. Do I want to actually look my age for the first time in my life? I guess I can try to rock this look now and another look down the road. That’s one of the benefits of life experience, I’m just not going to fret about it.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
GOR-GEOUS Cath! I love the ‘do and love that your gorgeous smile and eyes have even more opportunity to shine. I miss your face even more now!
July 14th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I. Love. It. With your beautiful smile and healthy glow you look confident and relaxed. Now that is a look!
August 8th, 2009 at 2:14 am
You look amazing with the gray. I’d say keep it. You will only love it more as it grows,I’m sure of it. And, it will keep changing and getting better, which is not quite the same as you loving it more as time goes by. Both will happen I think. Just keep in mind, inbetween the gorgeous chic rock chick and the emmy lou harris/ magical stage, you will have inbetweeny shaggy not so great hair for a bit. If you can stick that out, you won’t regret it. Also, if you do colour it, there’s a pretty good chance that not too long afterwards, you’ll want to grow the gray out again. And then, you’ll have to go through the whole schamozzle again. Up to you, naturally, but I think it’s beyond beautiful.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Cathy — am with Mara in Ventura and we were looking through some old pics. I think you look FANTASTIC and, most of all, are healthy! I, too, have gone gray –though I’m a bit older than you, so it is expected… After a really ugly period of yellow/gray hair, I am now fully gray and couldn’t be happier. So glad to pull my hair apart and NOT see that big gray stripe or have to be at the hairdresser every three weeks. Friends love or hate (vehemently) the gray, though Mara (who is a tough critic) has given me a “thumb’s up.” I have a twin sister who is still dying her hair, so we certainly don’t look alike anymore. At almost 57 years old, it is certainly freeing. Stay well and keep buying those earrings — it is soooo about the earrings. I’ve also discovered that black, gray and white are now my favorite colors… Take good care… Best, Janice
August 14th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I was with four women yesterday ages ranging from 52 to 66. Three of the five of us are coloring, one has a gorgeous hip silver gray haircut, the other blonde going gray gracefully and then there was me. One woman colors her hair weekly! The others, every 3-4 weeks. I got to say the freedom of being out of hair prison is terrific. Connie saw me recently and thinks I look better than the photo on this blog. She too is going gray and looks great. I sometimes get a glimpse and love what I see, other times I think I look like my elderly aunt. The jury is still out, but for now I’m trying to rock it.
August 15th, 2009 at 8:56 am
To each her own. This is what burning the bra was about in the sixties. Do what you feel, but be aware of the environment. What are the cosequences to your health (hair dye myths are they really myths?) We know we are just adding to the mix of pollutants with many of our choices. I personally keep some of the gray and add some color to add a little ” quel que chose”. My choice was to reduce the number of times per year I do this, for the environment and eventually will ‘wean” myself off of the “vanity” involved for the sake of the planet. I can’t be speaking too highly of myself if I am really having this conversation about hair dye. I refuse to have this conversation again. Don’t know why I Chose to contribute. My apologies.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:52 am
you are beautiful cath
and when i look at you, i feel the blessing of this road we’ve all walked. we have really lived. we celebrate our inner child but we are no longer children. we have stories to share, we’ve become experienced, we hold knowledge, we offer wisdom. and, we’ve all lived our individual lives together, side by side. what a gift. i often think you are the core connection of so many spokes, the hub of the wheel. you have that gift you know. this blog is an extension of that gift. thank you. i’m so grateful to be one of the spokes on that wheel.