Friends and Friendship

Christie Healey reflects on true friendships and “china plate” mates.

Just as I started to think about this blog, an old friend from New York sent me a long email. Barbara is one of the most energetic women I have ever met. She has 13 grandchildren, plays tennis and golf and keeps well abreast of the political scene (her opening line was to congratulate me, as a Minnesotan, on the seating of our second senator after eight months of legal whining). I have not seen Barbara in over five years, but every six months or so we correspond. She comes from a nearly extinct breed, the letter writer, but now I see she has discovered email.

I have friendships of over 30 years and of less then three. All of them stroll into my mind at unexpected times and are in my most oft-visited memories.

What brought me together with my friends is still a little mysterious to me, sometimes there is an instant connection and sometimes it takes longer. Norma and I worked for the same film production company. Within the first week I had been told by everyone that I must meet Norma because she was English too. This seemed to be specious reasoning and I consciously avoided her. Finally unable to take my new colleagues’ persistence I showed up at her office door and said, “Everyone says we should meet because we’re both English. I’ve been avoiding you.” She gave one of her trademark melodious laughs and said, “Yes, I’ve been avoiding you too.” We’ve been friends across continents, through husbands, lovers and pregnancies for 30 years.

All my friends are generous with their friends. The circles ripple out and join with others until they dissolve into one big ebb and flow that becomes the tide of a life.

Part of the San Francisco circle started with a woman of grace and substance named Cathy and whom I call Clever Cat. We grew to know and appreciate one another through working together. Through her I met Connie who can perk up a room in anticipation of her presence, and Melissa who has the bravest heart and is the most generous soul. There a two New York circles, one country and one city. Barbara is part of the country circle; Gigi and Jerry are part of the city. The Minnesota circle began with Emily and her husband Bix whom I met in 1993. Emily used her magical powers and arranged the cosmos so that I now live here.

Circumstances bring people into one’s life, but the heart decides who will stay. True friendship survives disagreements that would end in divorce or breakup, it survives misunderstandings and long absences. Linda just came back into my life after an absence of many years, but she was never not in my heart.

Now that I have started I could write forever about my friends. Those not named here should not think they mean any less to me. It is only through the limitations of space that they are unidentified.

Friends are like elephants or swans; we mate for life and none can replace one that is lost. Only our friends will pull us through the bad times and we always want our friends to be with us when life is good. “My Old China” is Cockney rhyming slang, china plate = mate. So here’s a shout out to every Old China of mine. Thank you from the bottom and top of my heart. I have a lovely little house in Saint Paul, the door is always open, the kettle’s on and the spare bed is always made up. Come whenever you can and stay as long as long as you wish.