Comments on: A Scary Proposition

By: Kendra

Kendra — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 21:30:36 +0000

“Another friend of mine and I had an argument, which brought certain things to light that made me uncomfortable. I realized we were not a good fit for the “close friends” category. She disagrees with me.”

I had a similar situation with my ‘best’ friend. I realized she and I were not compatible as best friends, and needed to distance myself from her. She took my issues to mean we just shouldn’t be friends, period. So much for being a valued friend. And yet I discovered, through the same situation that brought to light so many problems with her, that everyone else in my life is much more ‘there’ for me than she ever was.

By: mellimel

mellimel — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:17:22 +0000

Like Cathy I am comfortable with the term “Best” but it is applied to many not just one. Overall what I am finding in these years works best for me (no pun intended) is acceptance. While I have boundaries, I am more accepting of where people are at given points in their lives – sometimes very present, sometimes not. My friends are sometimes stalwart sometimes stealth but always steady.

By: dearpru

dearpru — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 15:13:45 +0000

This post threw me for a loop. I have so many scars from significant others of all stripes–girlfriends, best friends, boyfriends, husbands…not to mention the most dangerous beast of all, family. Maybe the whole exercise of being human is to survive these relationships and make it into our 50s, when our hormones calm down (or cease altogether) so we can get some perspective from a non-competitive point of view. Then, and only then, can we reach out a hand in true friendship, and mentor those younger than us who are in the throes of petty jealousies, competitive contests for absurd rewards like money and men’s attention, and my personal favorite, “who is the prettiest and most popular?”

By: carine

carine — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:40:59 +0000

Thanks for all your comments. I knew I wasn’t alone out there, navigating the friendship waves. I’ve definitely become more cautious, but good friends, like good wine, must be savored and appreciated…and I do love my girlfriends! Can’t imagine life without them! But when I do allow myself to go down that imaginary route, I know I’d survive, too.

By: The Peach Tart

The Peach Tart — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 14:52:21 +0000

I’m new to your site but enjoyed reading your two last posts. I have very little family and the ones I have except my daughter are just f**ked up. Over the years, I’ve been so blessed with friends but it seems as I age they just keep slip sliding away.

Betrayals, different interests, always one-sided friendship on my part.

I long to have some really good girlfriends who get me and who I get. There for each other through thick and thin.

By: beezersmom

beezersmom — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:19:50 +0000

If you turn to television to find out what friendship between two or more women looks like, you will see backstabbing, gossiping, ridiculing, tearful apologies, air kissing, hysteria, hugging-followed-by-backstabbing, confidences and secrets shared with impunity, jealousies, pettiness, competitiveness and, if possible, worse. No wonder American women have such a hard time being friends. And P.S., a lot of these “scripts” we model ourselves after are written by men.

I don’t know what the answer is, Carine, but it certainly isn’t found on television.

By: Pam Meyer

Pam Meyer — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:16:46 +0000

Yes, all of those things have happened to me too. At this point the title of “best friend” resides with my husband and daughters who truly are my best friends now. My girl friends are more concerned with their own lives than mine. And, maybe that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. Having that special someone that you love more than life itself who loves you the same way. Whether that’s your parent, best girlfriend, your spouse, child, dog, etc. Or as someone said recently, their imaginary friend.