Gay Boyfriends, Gotta Love ‘Em
July 29, 2009, by Cathy Fischer
Tommy Tune and Twiggy in The Boy Friend. Photo courtesy of NYPL.org
Cathy Fischer wraps up this month’s friendship theme with an ode to the gay boyfriend
There’s no one like a gay boyfriend to tell you, you look divine (and he probably would use that word). Only a gay boyfriend could appreciate your shoes and hairstyle as much as your most stylish girlfriends do, and there’s no one like a gay boyfriend to behave perfectly on a date, to scope out the cute boys with you and for you, when not competing with you, of course.
I’ve had gay boyfriends as long as I could remember, having always been involved in dance and play production…you know, the arts. When I was a freshman in college, I was a bit naïve. I often had crushes on the gay boys. Practically the entire cast of Guys and Dolls, were boys’ boys. You know, the pretty ones, the ones with the wicked sense of humor, the great sense of style? It took me a little while to catch on, but once I did, I accepted my fate, and was transformed and transported to fag hag heaven.
It was the mid-‘70s when disco was king. Who could twirl you around or do the hustle better than a gay boyfriend? No one. I was hanging out with the Hollywood hairdresser crowd, with Joseph and his pals, dancing to Gloria Gaynor and Donna Summer in my dusty rose Danskin leotard and matching wrap skirt, tearing up Osco’s dance floor until the wee hours, ahh beep beep! ahh beep beep! And the boys adored me, platonically, of course.
Like many during the “me era” ‘80s, my gay boyfriends and I were “foodies.” We dined well and frequented the hottest restaurants and nightclubs. Those were the travel years. Steve was a travel agent part time and a captain at a fancy pants restaurant, where I was hostess. We traveled to Europe, Jamaica, Mexico and New York. When we went on a “love boat” cruise, people thought we were on our honeymoon. We always walked with our arms around each other. I’d probably still be traveling with Steve if he hadn’t been mistakenly booked on a one-way AIDS ticket, on a fucked up journey that devastated so many of us.
In the ‘90s, in Portland, my ex-husband and I used to go on double dates with two gay male couples. We attended concerts, the ballet, the theatre and hosted many a dinner party together. Today, in the Bay Area, my closest boyfriends are Troy and Tom (TnT) and my neighbor Jeremy down the hall. I guess I’ve slowed down a bit. Now we amuse ourselves with cooking and wine tasting, or dinner and a movie with TnT; Jeremy and I grab a cocktail and hors d’œuvres in the ‘hood and watch bad reality TV in our PJs. For some reason, none of them pays much attention to my shoes, which, by the way, are still fabulous.
Popular culture has embraced the archetype of the gay boyfriend. Comedian Kathy Griffin, of My Life on the D-List, knows she’d be on the Z-List without her “gays.” Sex and the City’s Carrie and Charlotte had their gay buds. Will and Grace, hello? Was that not a match made in gay boy/straight girl heaven? Remember the film version of the 1920’s musical, The Boy Friend, where taller-than-tall Tommy Tune played the “boyfriend?” Dang, everyone knew that Tommy Tune was gayer than a three-dollar bill. But he was the ultimate “boyfriend.”
I think they were on to something.
What do you think?
July 29th, 2009 at 8:09 am
The world is a brighter, happier, better looking place because of Gay Boyfriends. I miss mine.
July 29th, 2009 at 10:11 am
When I moved up to sticks from LA, I lost all my gay boyfriends and have been bereft ever since. There are wonderful gay couples up here, Tom & Mitch and Brian & Tobin, but they’re married, and there’s no cool gay bar up here anyway. Back in the day, Cathy, I boogied down at The Apache, a fabulous gay bar in Santa Monica, with David and Craig, so that they could meet guys, and then they would kindly escort me to The Oar House so that I could meet guys. By the way, I would never date anyone more than once who didn’t instantly love and understand my gay boyfriends. (And–by the way, I was less a “fag hag” as they were my “pussy posse”).
Thanks for sharing Jeremy with me. I love him to pieces and he is FABULOUS, my adopted gay boyfriend.
July 29th, 2009 at 11:46 am
What I think is that I TOTALLY LOVE YOU! You are such a great and loyal friend Caca, to all your boyfriends and your girlfriends. We are all so lucky to have you in our lives. And, your blog brings the memory of Steve’s beautiful smile.
July 29th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
“Pussy posse” ah yes Conz, that totally makes sense. You are a vortex.
Is it the non-sexual, in-touch-with-his-feminine-side gay guy that makes it work? Why is this particular girl/boy relationship so special? I don’t quite know, but I’m glad to be able to experience this unique chemistry with some great boyfriends.
July 29th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
My best gay boyfriend, Mickey, let me stay on his couch for two months while I looked for an apartment when I first moved to L.A. Although he did come out of the bathroom looking a bit green around the gils one time when I forgot to flush the toilet during that “time of the month,” (the look on his face still makes me laugh out loud), he is the one responsible for my inability to avoid checking out a guy’s crotch to see what that package looks like!
July 29th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I love to hang with my gay boyfriends, specially the Brazilians, they have the best and worst women’s qualities, and they know how to scream loud and high when they are scared, I appreciate scandals and fun scenes.
I agree that the world is a happier place thanks to them.
July 29th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
My dear friend Breon says gay men are God’s gift to women. I agree!
July 29th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
My gay boyfriends were emergency dates when I needed one, consoled me through many breakups, told me whan I looked great – and when I didn’t, helped me survive single mom-hood by acting as cooks, housecleaners, babysitters, errand runners, and therapists. Don’t know why I felt so much closer to the them than my women friends, but all I can say is every girl needs at least one gay boyfriend!
July 29th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Hey Conz. Thanks for outing me on Cathy’s blog. I was trying to keep it a secret. Honey, I lost that battle many moons ago!! First I have to say that I am honored to be acknowledged by Miss Conz in Miss Cathy’s blog. Isn’t it a great blog? I love Cathy so much and was so fortunate to meet her friend Connie (love you girl)! Now, with all that said, Connie, gay boys may do hair, and shoes, and decorating, BUT we don’t do “pussy”. Really girl, “pussy posse”!! That’s just a big eeeewwwwww from me! (I sound so gay, don’t I)?!! Love you all.
July 30th, 2009 at 8:15 am
I’ve had boyfriends that were more jealous of my relationships with my gay boyfriends than they were over the straight guys I ran around with. Funny, huh? And Jeremy, I may love a fag, but I ain’t no hag, honey. We’ll have to come up with some other term for this most special relationship. Hugs, Conz
July 31st, 2009 at 11:42 am
Charming, witty conversationalists, well-groomed, arts lovers, sexually non-threatening…the list goes on and on. So what’s NOT to like? The only time I’ve had to draw the line with my gay boyfriends has been when they told me TMI about their sex lives. Then again, that was usually when I told them too much about mine. Competition can get so fierce…:)
August 5th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Let’s hear it for the boys! Clever Cat this is smashing. I don’t live near any of my guys anymore and I miss them so. I am sure there are gay Norwegians, I just haven’t found them yet.
August 5th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Jeremy and I are still working on a new term to replace that old, haggard “fag hag” moniker. Connie’s “Pussy Posse” puts the boys in a secondary (and somewhat uncomfortable) position. Got any suggestions for a woman who appreciates and hangs with her gays? Send them this way.
August 5th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Oh my gosh, I felt like this was a tribute to the deep love and connection I had with my best friend Randy who passed in March of 2006. No one could pick me up or make me do Jane Fonda’s butt busters while crying hysterically at the gym. No stopping, lunges, and laughing and the BEST hugs!I miss him!
The best thing about a gay boyfriend is that they can love you more than a great girlfriend and are strong enough to risk telling you the stark truth when no one else will!
August 19th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Hey Connie: Since you made your comment about not wanting to be referred to as a “hag”, I have been discussing this with some of my close women friends (you included). As a result, my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I created our own blog that chronicles the back and forths of a fag and his hag on many diverse issues (check it out-and tell a friend or more!). Another one of my friends, who is a dominatrix, says, like you, that she does not want to be called a “hag”. She prefers the term “Fag Diva”!! Now how progressive is that?.
August 21st, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I love being a “hag”. I am at the time of life where the monikers of “hag” and “crone” are not a denegration. I embrace them freely. I define their meaning and welcome the wisdom they denote. I love my fag and the two words flow together well. As my favorite playwrite would say, “A rose by any other name…”
August 22nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Lala,
Oh how nice it would be to reclaim words. There’s an earlier post from Connie about the word “pussy” that says, let’s make it mean something good and strong. The word “queer” was successfully redefined, but I looked up “hag” and “crone” in Webster’s Dictionary, and it’s a long trek to make it look different:
Hag
Etymology: Middle English hagge demon, old woman
1 : an ugly, slatternly, or evil-looking old woman 2 archaic a : a female demon b : an evil or frightening spirit : hobgoblin 3 : witch
Crone
Etymology: Middle English, a term of abuse, from Anglo-French caroine, charoine dead flesh…
: a withered old woman
Would love to know how you see it, what’s the name of your rose? I guess beauty is also in the eyes of the beholder. But perception, yikes, that’s a tough one.
August 22nd, 2009 at 4:59 pm
I have done a little research on this because of my “hag” status. In some older societies the crone or hag was “the wise one”, a revered elder of the circle. Also in some northern European pagan societies the hag was a diviner, a soothsayer, and “hag” itself a word for which there was no masculine counterpart. In these societies only the female possessed these abilities. It contained magic. After your comment I looked further and found that hag could describe a woman of “prophetic and oracular powers” and was a figure both feared and respected. The Delphic Sybil is an example of this. So in both Norse and Greco-Roman mythos “hag” is a word associated with insight, power and magic, unfettered by man; i.e. Hags rule!
August 22nd, 2009 at 5:08 pm
All I have to say is that I definately fear, revere and love Lala however she chooses to define herself!! I think it is not so important how society perceives something or someone, but how we, individually, perceive ourself. My hag rules!!
August 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I just realized there is Lala that has posted before me so I will now call myself Zusa from the Old High German hagzusa, so I guess I am now Zusa the Hag – and proud of it!