The Weight of Age
November 11, 2009, by Connie Stetson
Teddy, Bobby and John Kennedy, 1962
Connie Stetson reflects on what shaped her views of democracy and what fuels her hope today.
With the passing of Teddy Kennedy, aside from feeling real grief at his loss, I am feeling, profoundly, the weight of my age. Not my chronological age, I just turned 58, but the age that has shaped my sensibilities, the age I am passing through. As I write this I feel like a trauma survivor, as though I’m watching my life pass before my eyes.
The year of my birth, 1951, Harry S. Truman was president, and then Dwight D. Eisenhower was elected in 1956. The first presidential election I can remember was between Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy. It was as hotly contested in our family as it was in the nation. My grandparents were staunch Republicans, supporting Nixon, and my mother was a Democrat, mad about Kennedy.
That first televised debate, Sept. 26th, 1960, at nine years old, made me a life-long Democrat. Those impossibly handsome brothers, Jack, Bobby and Teddy, whose passions fueled the passion of a generation, were the real standard bearers of hope and change, the very words I am sick to death of hearing politicians spew now.
It was late November in 1963, I was in my Home Ec. class (which was mandatory for girls then), anticipating the Thanksgiving holiday long weekend, when our school principal announced that Kennedy had been shot in a motorcade in Dallas. All of us in that generation remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we heard that horrifying announcement. Time stood still. As I look back, I see that that moment was the harbinger of worse to come, ushering in a decade of grief, loss, pain, and wrenching social change.
Less than five years later on April 4th, 1968, Martin Luther King was wrenched, terribly, out of this world on that balcony in Memphis, and two months later, as I sat up with my mom a little after midnight, to watch on TV Bobby’s victory speech at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles, we witnessed in shock and horror, in tears and disbelief, our hope and energy and optimism, murdered along with Robert Kennedy. And in 1969, just a little more than a year after his brother was assassinated, Teddy Kennedy drove his car off that bridge on Chappaquiddick Island, killing Mary Jo Kopechne, and ending any possibility that “Camelot” could ever be reclaimed.
I feel it bearing down, the weight of my age, all of it—Viet Nam, women’s equality (gee—will I live to see that happen?), the civil rights movement, in which we are still engaged with gay and lesbian rights at the forefront, health care for all of us, and not just for those who can pay, 9/11, wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the purposeful degrading of our environment, the conscious undoing of our economy, our deep racist bent, world poverty and hunger, AIDS, cynicism, and worst of all, the irretrievable corporate corruption of our political system. I feel like such a fucking sell-out.
Meanwhile, I have mustered up some optimism for our current president. Barack Obama is, after all, living proof that we can evolve, fix what is broken, and stand for what is right. It has never been more critical for our country to regain its courage, its self-respect, and its desire to never lose heart. Life is long and we ain’t dead yet, right?
I do hope with all my heart that at the end of his life, with the entire good that Senator Ted Kennedy accomplished, that he felt balanced out. That the weight of his age tipped the scales towards what he accomplished in his whole lifetime, and not towards what he may have had to live down in that one awful moment. I hope that that is true for us all.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Connie, you captured well the mayfly nature of our existence. Which one among us will have lasting benevolent influence that lives on, inspiring future generations long after the final baby boomer passes? I’m betting on the Kennedys AND Barack Obama. My children only knew Ted as an old man, but thanks to the love affair America has with that family, the images of the brothers, such as the one here, paint them forever young in a picture that says in a thousand ways “There is hope for the future.”
November 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Connie you bring back a flood of memories. Thank you. I was in elementary school when Bobby was shot and wrote a song about it. I sang and played my guitar at a school assembly, and all these years later, I still remember the words and melody. Sigh, then there was Martin Luther King, the first biography I picked out of the library on my own. There have been lights of hope and change throughout my political knowing, at one time Bill Clinton, Barbara Boxer, Ann Richards and of course the Kennedys. And yes, President Barack Obama has a hard road ahead and it’s been bumpy thus far, but I still hold that youthful excitement for a better tomorrow.
November 11th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Defining moments for our generation, Connie. You’ve given us all a reminder that it wasn’t the Gordon Gecko and Glitter Rock decades that defined us, but the tumultuous and painful times when we were forced to look within. Sadly, many Boomers found that their inner selves actually were more Gordon Gecko than Morris Dees (founder of the Southern Poverty Law Center). Let’s hope Gen X & Gen Y do us one better.
November 12th, 2009 at 4:59 am
The time of “Camelot” bestowed such grace and hope for Americans. I was in 6th grade and it was at the end of the day, when the announcement came about J.F.K.’s shooting. For me, it was my first experience of death and it felt like such a shock. When J.F.K. campaigned in my community, I was like a little nudge, easing through the crowd to the very front. I smiled at him and received the glass he drank water out of, which I saved for years. I felt as I grew older, that I had a part of “Camelot” with me. That was a differnt world for all of us. We had more truth and honor in our elected officials and all of those across the board who represented power. Sadly, the world we grew up in is no longer the same. We are all in a survival mode in one capacity or other, and the world leaders are oblivious to the masses of people and human suffering. For Obama, who represented hope, honestly, honor, he now is in the midst of the sharks encircling him. It’s almost like he was elected to be set up for failure. Finally, we all must pray for someone to step up to the plate who endows these virtues to lead the citizens of the world back to honor which cannot be bought, for money is just paper, but truth lives in the heart. Where have the hearts gone throughout civilization, just to support the male EGO?
November 12th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Hang in there, Connie. We need to keep holding a good thought that the smart and elegant man in the White House can do some good–not miracles–but some good.
November 12th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Connie,
This isn’t the first time that a post of yours has resonated so deeply with me. I’d love to post it on MidLifeBloggers…
Jane
November 16th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Just read that 8,000 people turn 60 every day. Got me thinking about 5 decades of living and life-altering things that happened. and then, I read your post. I saw JFK in person at a speech in 6th grade and learned of his death in 8th grade. It seems his death and the one’s that followed framed much of my thoughts about government, the power elite, etc. I do so hope Obama can fulfill his promise…
November 17th, 2009 at 12:27 am
I love this site and I love you Connie so take what I am writing from a teacher’s standpoint. Remember when you met me in China and I was running around trying to suck up culture, get crass souvenirs, good pictures and journaling about China “for the Children,” as I so often said, and you loved reminding me. I am hopeful that some of Obama’s actions will make a difference in a society that is in such need of hope and changes. I do have to tell you girlfriend that he is not doing education any favors. I voted for him and I try to support him but I need to ask all of you who read this to please look at and examine Obama’s RACE to the TOP, for education. It is mostly a continuation or a worsening of the No Child Left Behind Act, that I call NO Child Left Untested.” Education is NOT a race, it is a journey. Children are on the journey. as we are as adults at all different places. They should be made to feel that if they are not like everyone else and lagging a bit behind or they just need to rest for a moment that they are still producing. Obama’s need to make everyone think that paying teachers by merit pay for how their children produce on test scores is at best a joke, and at worst a disaster. This makes children and teachers cheat, look only for boxed answers, stop critical thinking,not do the art and muscic, P.E. that children come to school for, and targets everyone towards the all mighty dollar. It doesn’t value the individual child or the teacher. What teacher will be willing to work in a ghetto school? What teachers will want the children that are already two grades behind in schoolwork? Who wants the behavior problems that just need to be loved and believed in. Believe it or not I do. I love these kids and I do not love the fact that the present administration is continuing along those lines and saying they are “fixing education, children, and teachers.” We are not broke. We are just tired of the burden of over tested, over assessed, over graded children. Ask teachers what we want. We want to teach and most of us do a pretty damn good job of it when we have time. Teaching is an art,not a science. Thanks for all who read this. It is “for the children.”
November 17th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Lori–I, too, feel a sense of disappointment. I’m hoping that it’s because my expectations are at an all time low. I’m not looking for a miracle, and Obama, or Jesus himself, would need a magic shovel to dig us out from under the shit pile that Bush left behind. I’m still in a wait and see frame of mind. And–HEY–politicians! Let teachers teach. Love and respect to all who dedicate themselves to this under-appreciated, underfunded, underpaid, very necessary career.
November 21st, 2009 at 1:32 pm
We can easily elevate the past to glory. Without meaning any denigration or disrespect to the Kennedy Family and the zeitgeist of the times they tapped into, history has shown us the many flaws, and cracks of dishonor in these men. The media was not was it is now and there was a certain collusion.
And I, and my family were in the thrall of it all then as we are to some extent now. I like what Carine says about doing some good. In some ways I think that is all we can ask for. Social change takes a long time and we will go forward three and slide back two as we go. I kind of think all of the disaster and horror of our times will serve to wrench us into a different reality. As I heard someone say not too long ago, (paraphrasing)” our culture is far too sick to be healed by anything less ruthless”- we all know about the dark night of the soul after all. I see change happening everywhere in terms environmental awareness,the need for different educational systems, financial systems ad infinitum. Where I see the most change is in individuals and in families. Alot of “some good” becomes just plain “GOOD” in time.