Only When I Laugh

Many of us have recently spent time with our families over the holidays. Family has taken on a very broad meaning and I am blessed with a wonderful family of choice. But, for now I want to reflect upon those persons in our family that we had no choice of selection. Time spent with the relatives can be revealing, precious, stressful, hilarious, and restorative.

My former father-in-law comes to mind when I think of some of the adjectives I used above. He is an extraordinary person, a man of great persistence in certain areas. He loved golf. No, I mean he really loved golf. Practiced for over 50 years with no noticeable signs of improvement. He would swing a club in the apartment we shared whenever the obsession took over. Chips out of the concrete beam in the living room bear witness to his fervour. After some pleas, he agreed to use the “air” practice swing. One evening he was found lying on the floor in the bedroom. “What happened?” we cried. “I was going for distance,” he responded.

I spent time with my mum in England shortly before she died. She was going blind and was quite deaf. She retained enough of her faculties to be in absolute denial of her impairments. My sister was her total caregiver, but she rarely acknowledged how much Pat’s attentions enabled her continued “independence.” On one of the regular doctor visits to check her heart, we entered a waiting room that was full and felt very sad. A little girl was sitting in her dad’s arms and was clearly not looking forward to seeing the doctor. We settled down in a corner to wait our turn. Suddenly my mother exclaimed loudly, “That man always wants me to take my clothes off, I hope I remembered to put on clean knickers!” The little girl looked at her dad and started to giggle. Soon everyone was laughing softly and smiling at one another. I felt such a love for my mum at that moment.

Spending time with my son is made more precious as he lives in Hawaii and I am in Minnesota. I just returned from a ten-day visit with him. We played golf, watched whales, went on hikes, and did nothing. Our golf games have given us brilliant times over the years. We still like to remember a glorious golden autumn day in the Catskills when we played 18 at the Nevele.

I had a fab time with Fred, but one thing sticks in my mind from our latest visit. Every day just before dawn I walk around a park along with many other islanders. As I was returning, I trod on one of those annoying big nut things, my ankle went over and I launched into a spectacular fall. First forward, arms windmilling, recovered slightly, lurched to one side, went into a half-gainer and as I hit the ground I managed to punch myself in the ribs, hard. Winded I lay there thankfully hidden from the other walkers by the pre-dawn darkness. Feeling very sorry for myself, I dragged myself up and limped home. When I was telling Fred about this, I noticed his lips twitching. He finally laughed out loud which started me laughing (and holding my side). “Sorry for laughing,” he said through his guffaws. “No, no,” I managed, “That’s just what I needed.”

Love, laughter… and some pain, there’s no equal to time spent with family.