Enough with the Platitudinous Drivel
June 23, 2010, by Prudence Baird
Triggered by her son’s question, Prudence unleashes a rant for our times
“Mom, is it true things happen for a reason?” Casey’s green eyes fringed by impossibly curly brown lashes widened with anticipation at the possible confirmation that some benevolent force is at work that can explain why bad things happen to good people.
“Who the fuck said that?” I snapped. Okay, I didn’t really say fuck, but I wanted to.
This pithy, saccharine saw lodges in my ears like the stinking turd of stupidspeak that it is. And whenever someone says it, whether the person is my friend or not, I cannot suppress my outrage that anyone dare to explain away the immoral, indecent, unfair and—in many cases—avoidable crap that rains down on perfectly lovely people and takes their lives, their health, their finances and even their children in directions that should only be reserved for those whose full names end in Cheney, Bush, Wolfowitz or Rove.
Worried that the BP oil leak is leading to the end of sea life as we’ve known it? Not to fret, everything happens for a reason, ya know. No. I don’t know. What could possibly be the reason, smarty-pants? That this horrific event is the only way Americans can grasp the message that an oil-based energy system is bad? That assumption gives Americans’ collective intelligence way too much credit considering that this point has been driven home to us about once every five years since 1910, when more than nine million gallons soaked into Kern County, California, permanently despoiling hundreds of acres of once fertile farmland.
Your child was diagnosed with autism? No use being upset. After all, everything happens for a reason. Oh, yeah? Maybe the reason one of every 60 boys is now diagnosed with this disease is that the big shots in multi-billion dollar chemical corporations just don’t want the world to know that while they’re shoveling their obscene profits into offshore bank accounts, their products are melting the brains and gonads of generations of children all over the world.
You just lost your job? Well, you’ve always said you wanted to try something different, maybe now’s the time. Just remember, everything happens for a reason. Oh, I’ll remember all right, just after I remember to write down all those items that job I just lost was going to pay for—my children’s college education, my mortgage, my health insurance, my car payment…did I forget anything? Oh yeah, food, medicine, gasoline, clothes, my phone bill, heat, water, air conditioning and the kids’ braces.
The everything happens for a reason homily is right up there with things always work out for the best.
No they don’t. Tell me, please, what is working out about the war the U.S. is waging in Afghanistan. I really want to know. And so do thousands of families on both sides of this manufactured and uncalled for conflict; families like yours who have lost their children, fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers in unspeakably, bloody and painful deaths that would melt the rose off even Pollyanna’s glasses.
And how is firing thousands of teachers working out for tens of thousands of children whose families are one step away from illiteracy, actual and cultural, and already believe everything they hear on Fox News?
How is this upcoming generation of youngsters who confuse true leadership and intelligence with looking like cheer-leader-Barbie and hairspray-helmeted-Ken? How are they going to vote? For the candidate with the biggest hair, the whitest teeth and the highest cheekbones? God help us all.
The next time someone tries to embroider a shitty situation with platitudinous drivel, please forgive me in advance if I throw up all over them, preferably as they walk out the door to a black tie gala. And then, when their designer duds are drenched in stinky vomit, I dare them say, “Oh well. Everything works out for the best!”
So what horrific circumstance was Casey trying to rationalize? The gulf oil spill? Global warming? His own brain damage caused by a hospital error at his birth?
Casey explains: “That’s what Oogway says.” (For the uninitiated, Oogway is the kung fu master—who happens to be a tortoise—in Kung Fu Panda, a feature cartoon that takes place in China.)
Brilliant. Pre-packaged wisdom straight from the beak of a spokes-tortoise for a country that—intentionally or not—is overtaking ours on every front, profiting tremendously from our own willingness to swallow, whole-hog, idiotic platitudes like everything works out for the best.
If our children’s children are curious enough to question why they’re still paying interest to the Chinese for the money we borrowed to launch a war that accomplished nothing but the destruction of our own way of life, we can direct them to the golden tablet dug from a pile of bullshit, guarded by magical salamanders from the planet Xenon and upon which is written, Everything happens for a reason, stupid.
June 23rd, 2010 at 7:14 am
I’m glad I have company, roasting in agony over the same questions. Was it ever this bad before? My Polyanna half has recently taken a dive over a very steep, tall cliff. Prudence, thank you for vocalizing my dark thoughts, wording them better than I ever could, and making me feel less alone. Your kids are blessed to have you as their mother.
June 23rd, 2010 at 7:57 am
Check out this article and invitation for discussion on this subject (somewhat) by the pointed and ever so smart journalist Bob Jensen
http://www.commondreams.org/view/2010/06/22-4
June 23rd, 2010 at 8:22 am
I am wearing an elephant ring on my left hand just to remind me that I am lucky enough to have had so few of those “everythings that happen for reasons” happen to me. I also keep an eye out for the deadly platitude – lives in very shallow water but you can spot them by their lack of reflection.
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:07 am
Best rant ever.
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:08 am
Just wondering, is “shit happens” a platitude?
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:27 am
Thank you for articulating so much of what I’m feeling. I am especially glad that you brought up the war in Afghanistan, something that feels so profoundly wrong on so many levels. While we dick around with the macho posturing of the General and his frightening cronies, who seem to be in charge of this debacle, I wish that there was more talk in the media reexamining our decision to spend so much money on this war; to be there at all. If we could give 1% of those dollars to Greg Mortenson, we could really make a lasting difference there.
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:56 am
Oh Pru–I could not agree more. When did fear and passivity become the American way? Everything is most certainly NOT going to be OK, and we have got to remove our collective heads from our collective asses. It seems to me the more we steep ourselves in the balm of platitude, mysticism, and fundamentalism, the less we are able to do, to reason, to fight. And NOW is the time to fight. Do we want to be the generation that says to our future children, “Oh, I remember when there were elephants, or trees, or oceans that provided us with food?” Are WE the generation that simply watched while the ocean was murdered? But, nevermind all that, “You deserve a break today….”
June 23rd, 2010 at 11:20 am
Excellent rant.
June 23rd, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Everything happens for a reason. Just Believe. It’s all for the best. Sunshine, lollipops and all things Saccharin…gag me! The platitudes are certainly annoying and the attempt to “make things better” by explaining them away does a disservice to moving us towards change. Anger is a good thing, and you Prudence have illustrated that we need to get pissed off and take action. It sometimes works; one million small acts can add up to a big difference. I’ve always thought that there is a lesson to be found in the bad things that happen, don’t know if that’s considered a platitude, but it works for me. Pru, you are smart, articulate and informed. Rant on!
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Hate to be the spoiler here, and I don’t know about “everything happens for the best,” but I figure everything does happen for a reason. Doesn’t make it a good reason, and it doesn’t mean we sit back and accept what happens because there’s some mysterious explanation behind it. Some things happen because of evil intentions (like greed; the horrific aspects of human nature; and disgusting policies of politicians who can barely walk cause their pockets are so filled with special interest bribes). And when those evil intentions come home to roost, it’s our job to rant like you just did and take action. And then we’d be remiss not to look at what mysterious lesson we’re supposed to learn from all that crap. Rant on, Pru! That was superb.
June 24th, 2010 at 9:50 am
Right on Carine! I am so over the “everything happens for a reason” line too. And while we’re on the subject, I would like to add that I am REALLY over the adjective, “Awesome”. I could tell someone that I had a rough day, and I am glad it’s over, and truly, I have had people say, “Awesome!”. It’s not awesome. It’s not hardly ever awesome. The emperor is simply naked. It’s not scary. It’s just what is!
June 24th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Good rant, Pru. Is your glass half empty today?
June 24th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
“Awesome” has become the new “Interesting…” People seem to use it when they’re not really listening. Me no likey either!
June 24th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you for that rant! I feel it every day as I wonder what my son’s generation will inherit with the current state of affairs in this country. It’s never been this bad in my memory. Mom’s keep it in check and teach your children well. I trust it will sink in, regardless of the insanity around them. They will be in charge in the coming decades, so let’s try to instill in them the values and education they will need to turn this mess around!
June 25th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I dunno, Carine, the older I get–and thank heavens I AM getting older and not dropping dead–the more I think that “reason” is a companion crutch to “religion,” the purpose of both being to super-impose human brain-friendly order on chaos. And, in the latter case of religion, an attempt also to stack the deck with gene pool copycats, all marching in lockstep order, operating from the same instruction manual and chanting the same bellicose crap. But most of all, coming up with “reasons” why it is okay to kill off competition for resources through over-breeding and orders from “on high” from avatars, gods, prophets and just plain ole crazy people posing as religious leaders.
June 25th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
perhaps some of your readers are familiar with the this most recent rant by the grand old curmudgeon himself, bob dylan, who told us fifty years agao a hard rain was gonna fall, and now who comforts us that… “it’s all good:”
“Talk about me babe, if you must
Throw on the dirt, pile on the dust
I’d do the same thing if I could
You know what they say, they say it’s all good
All good
It’s all good
Big politician telling lies
Restaurant kitchen, all full of flies
Don’t make a bit of difference, don’t see why it should
But it’s all right, ’cause it’s all good
It’s all good
It’s all good
Wives are leavin’ their husbands, they beginning to roam
They leave the party and they never get home
I wouldn’t change it, even if I could
You know what they say man, it’s all good
It’s all good
All good
Brick by brick, they tear you down
A teacup of water is enough to drown
You ought to know, if they could they would
Whatever going down, it’s all good
All good
Say it’s all good
People in the country, people on the land
Some of them so sick, they can hardly stand
Everybody would move away, if they could
It’s hard to believe but it’s all good
Yeah
The widow’s cry, the orphan’s plea
Everywhere you look, more misery
Come along with me, babe, I wish you would
You know what I’m sayin’, it’s all good
All good
I said it’s all good
All good
Cold-blooded killer, stalking the town
Cop cars blinking, something bad going down
Buildings are crumbling in the neighborhood
But there’s nothing to worry about, ’cause it’s all good
It’s all good
They say it’s all good
I’ll pluck off your beard and blow it in your face
This time tomorrow I’ll be rolling in your place
I wouldn’t change a thing even if I could
You know what they say, they say it’s all good
It’s all good”
you can hear it on itunes or whatever, and have a hearty chuckle.
June 25th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
“It’s all good,” is the “everything works out for the best” platitude for the under 30 set.
And Sadhvi, once W said, “Awesome!” (in response to something intelligent said by another world leader), the curtain came crashing down on that word–permanently and forever.
June 28th, 2010 at 1:55 am
Very well written blog.
July 7th, 2010 at 7:28 am
This is wonderful in that perfectly pissed off way. I admit I tell myself “everything works out for the best,” but I say it to remind myself that you have to take what you’re given and make something of it. That idea really does fall short, though, quite quickly (illnesses, wars, bankruptcy etc). But it helps me remember to have a good attitude, and find what good I can in difficult situations. We always have the opportunity to learn. My favorite quote is “pay attention! It’ll change your life!”
July 13th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
The most intelligent rant I’ve read/heard in a long time. I do miss your scathing clarity–and your presence.