Things I’m Sick Of

March 9, 2011, by Connie Stetson

What’s got Connie so worked up? So many reasons to be ticked off — but in a good way.

The Oscars sucked this year. I do not like being disappointed with my Oscars. Whichever producer made the misguided judgment that Anne Hathaway and James Franco had the chops to host the Oscars really blew it and I hope he got sent to some Cyber-Siberia to think long and hard about pandering to a youth market.

It got me thinking about things I’m sick of:

• Appealing to a Younger Demographic (re: The Oscars)
When did we quit valuing sophistication, grace under fire, wisdom, class, confidence and wit? The young should be aspiring to be us, not the other way around. To paraphrase my pal Frank, we are the “A-dults” they are the “B-dults”. Get some real experience then we can talk about you being the Master of Ceremonies for something beyond Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Awards.

• My “Coexist” bumper sticker — I’ve just taken the stupid thing off the back of my car — so use a turnout and get out of my way!

• Bristol Palin and her autobiography — What is she? 19? If she can write a book about getting knocked up as a teenager, then so can all my cousins on my father’s side.

• Charlie Sheen, Christina Aguilera, Brittany Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and whomever self-entitled, spoiled, greedy, ungrateful, whining, snotty little train wrecks that have yet to derail in front of our very eyes; but I’m even more disgusted with their publicists, handlers, body guards, doctors, and the other sycophants who cash in on their weaknesses and sicknesses because there’s bank at the end of it all, even if they die.

• Royal Wedding Fever — We are no longer British subjects. Take two aspirins and get over it already.

• Precocious Brats who are Smarter than their Parents on TV — Yo, writers. STOP IT.

• Using Lizards and Ducks to try to sell me Insurance or using a cartoon to try to sell me anything.

• The Tea Bagger Party (Let’s not kid ourselves, these guys are really just a remix of The John Birch Society) — I am sick of all you mouth breathing, knuckle-dragging, climate change denying, homophobic, racist, compulsive nose-pickers that are trying to drag us back into a time that never existed except in the dark, dank, fetid basement mind of Glenn Beck. You think he’s growing mushrooms down there? (Ooh, I’m sorry. That was an insult to fetid things.)

• Civil War Re-Enactments — We have one up here in Mariposa, California where no Civil War battle was ever fought. And the South lost the war. Why does anyone ever want to re-enact something they didn’t win? Talk about picking a scab. Is this a seasonal thing? A circuit? Do aficionados go from The Civil War straight to a Star Trek/Avatar Convention then off to a Renaissance Faire? How many costumes can one closet hold? Don’t you guys ever want to get laid?

• 4 and 5 inch Heels — Now, I like a pretty shoe and being tall as much as the next girl, but these backache making, nose bleed inducing, ankle snappers have got to go. Or, put a Chiropractor on retainer.

America’s Got Talent — I hate ventriloquists and “America decides…” Hey…I just said that without moving my lips.

• Diva Singing — Howzabout exercising the concept of self-control and just sing the damn note? Vocalists nowadays sing so many runs it’s like being stuck in a diarrhea ward. STOP IT.

Okay — I think I’ve gotten it out of my system for now. Thank-you for indulging me, I feel better already. And may I return the favor by asking you: What are you pig-sick of?

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30 Responses to “Things I’m Sick Of”

  1. Gail Says:

    Love it – I agree with every damn thing.

  2. christie Says:

    Lady Conz, you speak for nauseated people everywhere. Your description of Tea Baggers was very useful, I can pick them out now. There’s a couple of ‘em at my office. Except amongst the press and TV celebrity shows, I honestly don’t think there is any Wedding Fever on either side of the Atlantic, its more like a mild headache that you know will go away in late April. Of course, by November we’ll be treated to variations on “Kate preggers” and “William storms out” in the headlines.

  3. Linda Myers Says:

    Oh Connie-A better description of tea baggers I have yet to see! I’d love to see this definition in the OED.

  4. Wendy Says:

    YES! Thank you. You have elevated the art of the rant.

  5. Laura Says:

    Amen! (Except the four-five inch heel part…)

  6. Carine Says:

    And have you ever noticed how the girls wearing those heels can’t walk to save their lives? They always look like they’re about to fall over, or like they have to go the bathroom real bad!

  7. Mellimel Says:

    Here is the thing about the Oscars- ad dollars
    and viewership. A-dults don’t randomly spend,
    B-dults tend to. Alas no Billy Crystal as host!

  8. Cindy L Says:

    Amen to absolutely everything you said here. And well said!

  9. dearpru Says:

    Yes! Brilliant!

    And since you asked a leading question, I’m sick of giant, trans-national corporations that have battalions of attorneys at their beck and call so that they can a) avoid paying taxes, b) get away with criminal, human-rights-violating labor practices, and c) keep destroying the earth, the atmosphere and the human race with their poisons, their war machines and their creepy DNA-bending chemicals that have infiltrated every cell of every living being on earth.

    There, I said it, but not quite as well as you!

  10. rosemary Says:

    I am so with you and everyone else. Here are a few more:
    1. The Tiger Mother and her ridiculous, confusing, idiotic book;
    2. Her myria television interviews where she backpeddles and says she has been misunderstood. She really isn’t a TM at all;
    3. Lady Gaga and her weird costumes (especially the meat one, I mean seriously?);
    4. Donald Rumsfeld trying to be super cool by going on Jon Stewart and then not dealing with the tough questions about the Bush Administration’s “shock and awe” tear into Iraq, and the lies about WMDs.
    5. Arne Duncan and his BS “Race to the Top” education reform nonsense which is just more “no child left untested” and not real reform at all.
    6. Davis Guggenheim and Michelle Rhee who are great at teacher bashing and self promotion but not a whole lot more.

    I could go on and on. Thanks for the chance to vent.

  11. Conz Says:

    Tiger Mother. Good one, Rosemary. I guess you moms are still not doing it right. Thank Goddess, you have teachers to blame.

  12. Ronda Says:

    My 26 year old daughter and I have an ongoing “I’m so over” list, and most of these items are on it – thank you for validating me (I’m so over the need for validation). One more to add to the list – Reality TV. If you’re life isn’t worth living, create some excitement rather than becoming a living room voyeur. Whew -

  13. Cathy Says:

    I love that you’ve put a funny spin on the things that piss you off. I’d like to add, that people who don’t use their turn signals make me go grrrrrrrr. I’m also miffed about the commercialization of Facebook and Twitter. It was fun before all the big brands got involved and do we really need Meredith Viera to tweet and get all atwitter about it?

  14. Gena Says:

    Amen and amen. “Reality” TV – as close to reality as a chicken is to celery! All shows with the obligatory three ‘judges’, one sweet, one acerbic, one ‘cool’. Sarah Palin – ughhhh! All politicians who will not come to the table to do what politicians are supposed to do: come to resolution and compromise on real issues. That’s all I can think of at the moment. Thanks for the platform!

  15. rosemary Says:

    Typo: I meant myriad vs myria. Also, I could really use that umbrella…

  16. Dianne Says:

    SO Connie I’m Guessing you are going to pass on helping me with the Civil War Re-enactment?

  17. roxy Says:

    Skinny jeans! Jeans used to be comfortable, practical and durable. Apparently, now Jeans Are The New Girdles. So not attractive.

  18. Conz Says:

    Don’t we ALL want that umbrella?????

  19. Jeff Says:

    Young girls….I’m tired of jelly rolls…I mean belly rolls….I don’t want to see your size 12 in a size 4 pair of jeans….especially if you insist on wearing a shirt above your navel. And Tiger women?….heck….No more Tiger Woods…..why couldn’t she finish the job so we wouldn’t have to hear about him anymore! Don’t get me started on Charlie Scheme! In the day, we did drugs and got up in the morning and went to work. Now you need a driver, a publicist and an agent?…..Sheesh!!!!

  20. Iris Says:

    I’m with you, Jeff, on the belly rolls. When I first saw that style about 5 years ago, I wondered why anyone would want to extrude their excess blubber out of the top of their too-low cut jeans. Is it supposed to be enticing? What’s worse, is why do so many girls under the age of 30 have THAT much FAT? It’s not PHAT.

    Connie, what a GREAT way to start the day! Feels SOOOOOOO much better than having to smile and pretend I’m happy first thing in the morning. Got any more rants? You should start your own blog like that “guy from Brooklyn” or Boston or wherever. My public face has become way too polite (when did THAT happen?) I need someone else to do my dirty work for me :)

  21. Sadhvi Says:

    Things that, if I hear them much more, are going to make me start to SCREAM:

    1. “AWESOME”: as in, “My lunch was “AWESOME”!

    2. “LOVE”: as in, “I LOVE that hot sauce that I found online!”

    Whew! Thank you Connie for giving me this opportunity to take some pressure off of my life.

  22. Annice Says:

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for taking the time to write this post. Plus, I want an umbrella like that.

  23. Julie Says:

    Dropping in from Linda Lou’s blog. Seeing how I’m turning fifty in 12 days, I had to check you out!!!!!

    I’ll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

  24. Brightside-Susan Says:

    I love your rants and your style.

    I would rant (not as cleverly as you) about Oprah interviewing Bush on her show but after about 2 minutes of watching her treating him with respect and laughing at his”jokes” I was so disgusted I turned it off. The man and his party have ruined this country, morally, fiscally and ethically and he does not deserve to be treated like some kind of great statesman.

  25. Conz Says:

    Thanks Susan–I agree. My stomach churned as well.

  26. Rebecca Minnick Says:

    OMG with the Bristol Palin. What is UP with that? I would add that the tea baggers are mostly upset about one thing: Having a black president. Yeah, gimme the umbrella!

  27. Catherine Rankovic Says:

    Sick of boneless skinless chicken breasts! Do not invent or send around any more recipes for boneless skinless chicken breasts! Do not serve them! No more lemon sauce with capers, tomato sauce, panko breading, trying to get this dry-as-mouthwash meat to have some flavor!

  28. M. Says:

    C darling, I only take exception to one of your HATES. That of course would be the 4″ to 5″ heels. At least they’re Jimmy Choos. Now, I have to agree with you when I see the Kardashian sisters, who without their 18″ heel Christian Louboutins would look even more freakish than they do WITH heels and another 18″ of eye makeup.

  29. Conz Says:

    Funny, M. Oh, I forgot to add the word “awesome”. Pretty sick of “awesome”.

  30. M. Says:

    i’m sick of “awesome” too – wait, and we forgot JUSTIN BIEBER and his awesome late lamented ‘do.

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