What’s Wrong With Me? And Other Orgasmic Tales

January 9, 2012, by Carine Fabius

Due to technical difficulties, this has been re-posted (RSS readers will be getting this twice).

Carine explores the pursuit of big business and the big O

Ladies!

Do you know that you are sick if you don’t have vaginal orgasms? If your libido is kind of low, you have an illness? If you are not instantly lubricated when your partner suggests lovemaking, you are diseased? And did you know that not climaxing when you engage in sexual activity means something is wrong with you?

Listen up. Your debilitating ailment has a name: Female Sexual Dysfunction, or FSD. Don’t you feel better knowing what’s wrong with you? Now you can go to reputable sites like Mayo Clinic or Web MD or AAPF (a peer-reviewed medical journal of the American Academy of Family Physicians) and read all about it. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, unfortunately, not even one of those smarty-pants scientists out there has been able to come up with the Holy Grail otherwise known as female Viagra. Ain’t life a bitch sometimes? Does God hate women or what?

I had never heard of the term FSD until I stumbled upon an eye-opening 2009 documentary called Orgasm Inc. It tracks filmmaker Liz Canner’s own stumble upon the pharmaceutical industry’s dogged pursuit of ways to make perfectly healthy women feel abnormal in order to sell them the medication that will make them “right” again. It follows that in order to sell a new prescription drug and new medical procedures, Big Pharma first had to come up with a problem, which needed curing. Hence the term FSD was born. And even though they continue to con women into trying new drugs, and an entirely new industry has sprung up around the issue (along with a veritable cornucopia of methods to sell the message—including trade shows, TV ads, self-help books and more) it turns out that (surprise!) there is nothing wrong with women. Data from multiple respected doctors and sources indicate that 50-60% of women don’t climax through vaginal intercourse, and that most women achieve orgasm only through clitoral stimulation. I guess there’s just no getting around that persistent urban legend that men and women are built differently!

It’s not like I never dreamed Big Pharma would go so far as to invent a disease in order to make money from women who are told every day in myriad ways that they are not perfect and MUST be perfect. It’s just that this excellent documentary exposes the full-of-shitness factor so handily that, warning! it may induce nausea; but in the process, it might remind you that no, you don’t need labiaplasty—plastic surgery for reducing the labia minora in otherwise fine women who are made to feel everyone is supposed to look identical (to those of you who really do need that surgery, by all means…). I once had a gynecologist who was big into labiaplasty tell me that she considered taking a booth at the LA Erotica trade show because, “We’re doing these ‘designer vaginas’ now…” I swear she used that phrasing, which is when I started looking for a new ObGyn; meanwhile, the term “designer vagina” has become the accepted and flirty way to describe the surgery during a sales pitch. Can somebody just shoot me now?

And you know how it’s become all the rage to wax off every last pubic hair you ever had in an effort to, I dunno, look like an 8-year-old? A porn star? Well, maybe you should ask yourself why your partner digs that look so much, or why you suddenly need to be bare, bare, bare! I suspect someone in the waxing industry got high one night, came up with the idea, and then figured out how to turn it into a trend. I recently saw a woman in her thirties wearing a cropped top with jeans riding so low on her hips that I wanted to say, “Okay, I get it! You have no pubic hair!” I found that in-your-face sexuality as vulgar as all the ass-cracks you see blaring out from guys’ super baggy jeans. Listen up, ladies and gentlemen, showing the entire world what’s just below your belt and in between your legs is too much information. Repeat after me: I am not sick. I am beautiful just the way I am. Now, excuse me, I have to go to Brazil to yell at them for inventing the Brazilian Wax, those snatch-hugging hip-hugger jeans with the world’s tiniest zippers, and for beating out Beverly Hills in the incidence of cosmetic surgery (mostly done to pad their booties not breasts!). Come on girls, how caliente can you get without going up in flames?

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10 Responses to “What’s Wrong With Me? And Other Orgasmic Tales”

  1. dearpru Says:

    OMG…great blog! FSD is just one component on a beaded loop of pills that Big Pharma shoves down our throats. There’s no end to this necklace of poisons because one pill leads to another…and another.

    For years, BP pushed hormone replacement therapy (HRT), which it turns out, causes all kinds of problems–problems that miraculously can be “fixed” with blood-clot dissolving pills, chemo (for those pesky little cancers HRT causes) and, of course, the ongoing hormone-removing prescriptions for those whose estrogen-caused cancers whose appearance call for the deployment of estrogen scrubbers.

    For those depressed by their clots, cancers and lack of lubrication, there’s always Prozac and about 17,000 other anti-depressants that (surprise) rob one of libido and cause their own host of challenges, the least of which is FSD.

    Thanks, Carine, for lifting the curtain and exposing the creepy mechanism that is only one part of a giant scam to keep us all consuming that which we never needed to begin with.

  2. Lila Says:

    Thank you for a blessed dose of sanity… now if only I could get that in pill form. ;-) So happy to see this blog and pru’s response.

    I’ve been raging against the female-hating industries since I was old enough to buy “feminine hygiene products” so that every day could be just like any other day, and I could pirouette on a balance beam and not exude any unseemly odors or stains.

    So good to know we’re not voices in the wilderness. Now what?!!!

  3. Thea Swengel Says:

    Well said and so reasonable. I am happy I never fell for all of this hype, have been shaking my head at it for years, so glad you wrote this.

  4. Mellimel Says:

    I read an article in the NY Times Style Magazine about a society woman and the clothes she wears to all her various events. For each one she had a different Birkin. Now I know from Sex in the City reruns that a Birkin is a highly desireable (to a certain demographic) and hard to obtain, obscenely expensive purse. But to me it sounds like and might as well be a Designer Vagina.

  5. Cathy Says:

    The greed that fuels the flames allowing people in corporations to hide behind the “inc” somehow releasing them from the responsibility of manipulation and murder. The Eli Lilly Corp has been making bovine growth hormones which wind up in our dairy products and are linked to breast cancer and then, they make the drugs that cure it. Hullo? Thanks Carine for bringing it to our attention and Pru for elaborating.

    I’m also tired of the cowards behind the corps that try to make women feel that they are just not enough; Madison Avenue are you listening? And as for the Brazilian, I spoke to a waxer that told me it is the #1 treatment she does. The “Playboy” is also popular. I find it all quite prepubescent and kind of creepy, but then again I’ve never done it. Hair, there and everywhere? Not so much… but all bare, no thanks.

  6. tim Says:

    where can i get me a designer penis?

  7. christie Says:

    Fab blog, Carine. This is just not openly talked about enough. I am sending all the guests at the dinner party I am going to on Saturday the link to this blog. May be it will start a conversation.

  8. rosemary Says:

    When I was a kid, my mom (bless her heart, she’s Italian and not hung up about sex) had “the talk” with me. Ironically, it was while I was helping her make the bed. “Honey, sex is fun.” She urged me to wait, but very beautifully explained the lovemaking process. She also told me that libido declines as one ages, and was relieved that she and my dad were around the same age with the same sex drive issues. Of the millions of psycho/social hurdles I have had to overcome, being uptight about sex, thanks to my mom, was not one of them. I’ll be damned if Big Pharma is going to mess with my daughter’s self-esteem. What a great blog, Carine. Also, could you guys check what e-mail address you have for me? For some reason, I’m not getting your postings regularly. Gotta have them!

  9. Conz Says:

    Great blog, Carine. And big Pharma can bite my beloved hairy bush! Real men want and are attracted to real women, not little girls. As to the question of where they’re hanging out, well, that’s a whole another blog.

  10. athina Says:

    Carine,
    I love this article. And believe me you haven’t said a thing yet!!!!

    Aren’t we perfectly differently alike?

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