England My England, Part II
Filed Under All Posts, Christie Healey, Travel | 7 Comments
Christie’s adventures continue with connections nearly missed, rekindled and newly made
The tiny train, a toy really, shunted me from Derby to a station near Nottingham. I had missed the last London express and the ticket seller assured me that the only way to get back that night was to pick up the express from Nottingham. I was deposited in the original haunted railway station. The quaint brick waiting room with its fading pastel scalloped façade and boarded-up windows looked spookier in the murky darkness than the station for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Beyond the station I could just about make out fields and woods, i.e. middle of nowhere.
Acting more confident than I felt, I set off down the deserted platform towards what I thought would be an information board. The driver of the departing train leaned out the window and yelled “Oyup luv, you better get crackin’ up them steps and o’er t’other platform, London train ‘bout to arrive.” I looked down the line to see a light getting bigger and closer. Read more
Insurance Withdrawal
Filed Under All Posts, Carine Fabius, Miscellaneous | 7 Comments
Can Carine gamble on insurance and not get burned?
Recent conversation with my vet:
Me: It’s been at least a year since I asked one of your people to fill out this “Release of Records” form and send it to my insurance company but they never did, so my last claim went unpaid.
(The insurance company needed two years’ worth of records to guard against any sneaky pre-existing conditions.)
Vet: Oh, no. We fill out all forms and fax them in immediately, but all our clients call back three and four times to complain that the insurance companies say they haven’t received it.
Me: So, I guess their thing is to wear us down in the hope that we will eventually abandon or forget the whole thing?
Vet: You know, insurance companies. (Shrug)
In case you’re still reeling over the news that I pay for something as elitist as pet insurance when there are people starving in America, all I can say is, well, yes, I pay for pet insurance. I’ve gone off the pet insurance crack pipe several times over the years, each time, succumbing to the guilt wrought upon me by the sarcastic and smirking voice, which tells me I’m a fool to fork over hard-earned dough to yet another insurance company when they always seem to find an excuse for denying my claims. Read more
“How To” Vermont
Filed Under All Posts, Humor, Prudence Baird | 23 Comments
Hollywood’s loss is Vermont’s gain, as Prudence celebrates her fourth anniversary and lessons learned in the Green Mountain State
For those of you who think that sparsely populated, Yankee-pure Vermont is the antidote to the ills of urban life, here is a quick set-up guide that will acquaint you with “how to Vermont.”
1. You kahnt get thay-yer from hee-yaw.
You can live full-time, own property and pay taxes in the Green Mountain State, but becoming a bona fide, card-carrying Vermonter is earned the old-fashioned way—you must be born here. Furthermore, your parents must have been born here; your grand-parents (both sides) must have been born here—and so on back for four generations. Seriously. Otherwise, you are considered a “flatlander,” even if you come from Machu Pichu or Boulder, Colorado.
2. “Massholes” are from Massachusetts.
Although Massholes come from the eponymous state to our south, you can also use this label whenever encountering an attitudinous anyone who is making an ostentatious show of wealth and power. Example: “That tailgater must be a Masshole.” (See “flatlander” above.) Read more
It’s All About The Peenie
Filed Under All Posts, Connie Stetson, Humor | 10 Comments
From humor to infidelity, Connie gets beneath the fig leaf for this investigative report
One of my favorite jokes goes something like this:
God pulls Adam to his side and says, “My son, my Creation, I have good news and bad news for you.” Adam lifts his countenance upon his heavenly father and says, “Lord? What’s the good news? The Lord says unto Adam, “I have blessed you, my Son, with both a brain and a penis.” Adam is grateful and with great awe says unto his Maker, “So, what’s the bad news?” The Lord responds, “Sadly, I could only manage to give you enough blood supply to work one thing at a time.”
I love this joke. I’d stroke it even further by saying God then tempted Adam by putting his penis on the outside of his body, close to his hand, then told him not to touch it and spill his seed. Talk about forbidden fruit. That God. What a kidder.
My good pal, Joann, whenever we’re all together and the subject turns to the differences between men and women, as it frequently will, wags her index finger above her head and states, emphatically, “It’s all about the peenie!” Read more
As the Wheel Turns
Filed Under All Posts, Melissa Howden, Reinvention | 14 Comments
Melissa reflects on truly living life, moving from wishes to action with a brave and open heart
My yoga teacher Peggy has been known to say during class,
“Triangle pose is like a little black dress. You can take it anywhere.”
As my birthday month comes to a close I have been ruminating on all, like the triangle pose, that is wise, helpful and transportable. Even more so than New Years, my birthday has become a time of reflection and review. Like my closet, my life gets a spring cleaning at every year when the wheel turns toward my birthday. “This gets tossed, this stays, this needs cleaning and that needs altering.” Although this year has been rife with challenges, I am not immune to the good news and that is the wheel is still turning. And with each turn of the wheel I garner new pieces of wisdom to add to the mix and I become myself and push my brave tender heart toward the promise of a new day.
Recently I read a blog titled “Inspiration and Chai” by Bronnie Ware. For many years Bronnie worked in palliative care with the terminally ill. As such she was privy to the intimate revelations of the dying. Bronnie noticed that there were common themes as people voiced their thoughts about living and dying, and what they wished they had done differently.
The most common regret was,“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Read more
England My England
Filed Under All Posts, Christie Healey, Family, Travel | 10 Comments
Leave the pomp and circumstance behind, and take a walk on the wild side with Christie
I just returned from my first visit to the UK in five years. Nothing much has changed as far as I could tell. The nation was a bit tired from celebrating Kate and Wills wedding bash, but most seemed to agree it was a superb demonstration of British pomp with a liberal dash of the moderne. The unexpected day off courtesy of more PR conscious royals and a wobbly coalition government cheered the nation; and everyone was appreciative of Beatrice and Eugenie’s efforts to incorporate vaudeville into the day.
Clever Cat, who is about to visit the Sceptered Isles herself, asked if I saw any theatre during my trip. Hah! I visited my family. Now honestly, isn’t a visit with your family the best theatre ticket in town? Comedy, drama, mystery, it’s all there. Not that my family is any different from anyone else’s; a group of people thrown together through biology and desire, well-practiced in their eccentricities.
I spent a glorious few days with my sister in her new Cornish home. I really envy her retired life with all the conveniences and benefits of a social welfare system that is ailing but not yet dead. Baby boomers across the Pond are quietly enjoying their “golden” years trying not to feel too badly that they are probably the last generation to experience these joys. Read more
Discovering Selflessness with My Friend, Madam Menopause
Filed Under All Posts, Carine Fabius, Health | 13 Comments
Sacred Fire of Pele, Goddess of Hawaii Volcano, painting by Olga Shevchenko
Meet or retreat from Carine’s cast of characters in her toned down rant about “the change”
You don’t know how happy you are that I didn’t post the blog I originally wrote titled “I Hate F#*@!-ing Menopause”. I remembered just in time that I’m supposed to embrace this era of transformation, of aging with grace, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. To be 100 percent honest, I don’t love growing old but I’ve made my peace with it. I’m even doing it au naturel—never tried Botox, stopped dyeing my hair, chucked my distaste for exercise. But, menopause? Yes, that’s me in the corner over there, waving the large white flag.
My original blog was full of anger and super dirty swear words. Aren’t you glad I reconsidered? Although, to tell you the truth, I had a great time ripping Madam Menopause to shreds. I thought I was really funny, but people who love me said to keep it to myself or forever suffer pangs of regret since the Internet is the elephant that never forgets. Or, they made careful suggestions about how to tweak it. So I shelved the report on my wide-eyed midnights spent wondering whom to yell at; and of my epiphanous threat to Mr. Flash: the intention to create a brand new antiperspirant for the ENTIRE body. HA! HA! HA! No more sweating EVER AGAIN! Read more
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