WTF California?

Filed Under All Posts, Melissa Howden, Politics, Relationships | 17 Comments

Photo by Melissa A. Howden

Photo by Melissa A. Howden

I’m getting gayer by the moment.

I’m guessing my burgeoning gayness is in part my indignant response to those intent upon denying me and my tribe, our equal rights in this country. The rights to marry, to adopt, to care for our loved ones, to have the benefits of insurance, inheritance and whatever else all ya’ll get as standard operating procedure.

It’s a strange time this. On the one hand being gay is like a newly desired accessory tantamount to seasonal fashions—the color, a hemline or a purse (Ellen DeGeneres is a CoverGirl after all). One newly “out” celebrity is proclaiming to any media outlet that will listen that she has always been out, which, I happen to know, is absolutely not the truth and who really cares anyway? So while some are scrambling to proclaim their gayness and claim their seat as the new gay poster child, the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8, which denies gays the right to marry in the state. Well that is not exactly true either. The 18,000 gay couples who were legally allowed to marry by the same Supreme Court last year in the window of time before the Mormon Church essentially paid for the Proposition to deny that right, those couples can be married. Are you following? I did say it was a strange time. Read more

CHANGE: From the Files of “Be Careful What You Wish For” and “Never Say Never”

Filed Under All Posts, Melissa Howden, Relationships | 8 Comments

The Sufi’s say, Ya Fattah—May the Way Open. A Sufi said this to me at a gathering about a year ago.  I know well enough to know that God’s time, the universe’s time, whatever you want to name it, is frequently different than my time.

What I can say is when the way opens, it REALLY opens and you’d better be ready to walk through.

As has been documented here, I’ve been single for a long while, seven-year cycle to be exact.  In August, I met a woman at the behest of an inner voice yelling at me to turn around and go back and meet her,  Read more

Fierce AND Beautiful

Filed Under All Posts, Melissa Howden, Politics | 4 Comments

Photo by Ted Howden

My brother recently sent me photographs of my nine-year-old niece Emily, playing soccer. The photos arrived (real prints in the mail!) at the same time I was pondering (deeply) the nature of social change and how long it really takes.

Like many others I know, I was deeply disappointed not to have a female presidential nominee this time around. But I will work my a** off to help get Senator Obama elected. I will gladly take progressive patriarchy and Michelle Obama as First Lady over the dark, stupid, evil epoch of the last eight years any day. Coinciding with my 51st birthday, the State of California began issuing marriage licenses to gay couples. But as with many hard won victories over the years (Roe v Wade among them) we will have to fight continuously to maintain the rights we should have had in the first place. Change is slow, but fighting, work and vigilance make it possible. Read more