10 Things I Plan to Accomplish in 2009

Filed Under All Posts, Carine Fabius, Humor, Politics | 11 Comments

todo_list

1. To stop the nonsense uttered by Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber and other circus freaks that pass for commentators on world affairs, I will invent a supersonic chip that makes microphones go dead whenever they try to speak.

2. Simply by spraying my yet-to-be-invented secret potion in the air, Israelis and Palestinians will fall madly in love with each other and forget why they ever started fighting in the first place. I plan to call it Love and Forgetfulness.

3. I will engineer a price increase of corporate executive bonus proportions for the hormones injected in poultry so that organic chickens become the cheaper alternative at the supermarket. This way, the next generation of 12-year-olds won’t be found shopping bra racks, wondering if they look sexy enough in their midriff tops.  Read more

Letter From a Pit Bull

Filed Under All Posts, Carine Fabius, Politics, Rants | 7 Comments

Dear Sarah Palin,

You said the only difference between a hockey mom (you) and a pit bull (me) is lipstick.  I take issue with this characterization.

Pit bulls are fiercely loyal to the hand that feeds them.  The government of the United States feeds you plenty, but in a couple of speeches you cheered on the Alaska Independence Party, whose goal is to secede from the U.S., and whose leader professed his “hatred for the American government” and said, “I won’t be buried under their damn flag.”  You even invited the party to this year’s convention.  And, your husband was a registered member of the party.  You are no loyal American.  And you are no pit bull. Read more

The State of PanicManic

Filed Under All Posts, Melissa Howden, Politics | 8 Comments

I am in a STATE!

I intended to write about praise houses because they are about transcendence—something I am in dire need of, and I may still—but for the moment I am completely worked up, alternating between immobilizing anxiety and manic activity. I call it PanicManic. The onset of PanicManic started with the polls stating Obama and McCain were neck and neck.  It was then I began gasping for breath.

Despite all evidence to the contrary I am still stunned by the fact that I live in a country that actually believes someone such as Sarah Palin is worthy of consideration to perhaps run this country. And I have been overwhelmed with email from great thinkers and people of note—people for whom I have great respect, focusing on the Sarah Palin issue: “What do we do about Sarah Palin?” Read more