“How To” Vermont

Filed Under All Posts, Humor, Prudence Baird | 23 Comments

Hollywood’s loss is Vermont’s gain, as Prudence celebrates her fourth anniversary and lessons learned in the Green Mountain State

For those of you who think that sparsely populated, Yankee-pure Vermont is the antidote to the ills of urban life, here is a quick set-up guide that will acquaint you with “how to Vermont.”

1. You kahnt get thay-yer from hee-yaw.
You can live full-time, own property and pay taxes in the Green Mountain State, but becoming a bona fide, card-carrying Vermonter is earned the old-fashioned way—you must be born here. Furthermore, your parents must have been born here; your grand-parents (both sides) must have been born here—and so on back for four generations. Seriously. Otherwise, you are considered a “flatlander,” even if you come from Machu Pichu or Boulder, Colorado.

2. “Massholes” are from Massachusetts.
Although Massholes come from the eponymous state to our south, you can also use this label whenever encountering an attitudinous anyone who is making an ostentatious show of wealth and power. Example: “That tailgater must be a Masshole.” (See “flatlander” above.) Read more

Who the Hell is Eric and Why is He Protecting Me?

Filed Under All Posts, Health, Miscellaneous, Prudence Baird | 14 Comments

When Prudence’s life is saved, she wonders, is it merely coincidence or celestial interference?

I am alive today because Eric, a man I never met, saved my life last month.

No, I am not filtering bodily fluids with Eric’s kidneys; nor pumping blood with Eric’s heart. Heaven forbid Eric should have donated any of his organs! After all, he died of AIDS 30 years ago.

But, according to Catherine, my son’s art teacher, Eric’s fingerprints are all over the recent life-saving business—although some may claim a mouse who nobly sacrificed itself, or that a journalist at the Brattleboro Reformer deserve just as much credit.

Perhaps. So, let’s give credit to Eric, the mouse AND the reporter. And my husband. And anyone else who wants to get in on the credit crawl. After all, once you’ve wriggled free from Death’s icy clutches, you feel a little generous.

Let me backtrack. Read more

Stepping Off Cliffs and Other Acts of Midlife

Filed Under All Posts, Family, Group Posts, Prudence Baird, Reinvention | 4 Comments

I didn’t even tell my closest friends until I was absolutely sure. After all, there is no turning back from a decision of this magnitude. Either you’re on the bus or not.

The first person I confide in is my hair stylist.

“I’m moving to Vermont!” I holler over the cacophony of blow-dryers and snarky conversations.

“Are you gonna open a bed and breakfast?”

Okay, cliché, but a fair assumption.

Vermont at my age—okay, fifty and change—must mean I feel a need to reinvent myself, right? Leave behind the expensive highlights, the freeway traffic and slip into a more relaxed lifestyle. Read more